dear whatever, fuck all

i am so alone,

i am so lonely,

no matter which way i put it its still the same, and it doesn’t make it go away

i need love,

i crave love,

and yet i find my self alone, i find myself unloved.

i dont know what to do or say to achieve anything. so i am alone.

right now i have a stringent obsession for a girl that i will never be able to have,

due to one simple fact. she doesnt like men LOL

oh the calamity, that it so awful. i know right?

its whatever i guess, if the only thing i can be is a friend thats what ill be.

but it still sucks, and it still eats at me. but soon ill be all eaten up! (fuck you doctor suess)

i just wish one day i could wake up and know what to do. omg you lazy bastard you want a simple life?? yes, yes i do. thats for losers! well i guess im a loser

it would be simple and easy yes, but i guess it takes all the fun out of life. but how hard knocks is fun, i fail to see.

so instead i rant about pointless things when i really have harder issues to ***** about, but the hard stuffs straight forward, some how the simple things are what get under my skin the most. i really dont care anymore that my mom and step dad rage beat me or that my dad is a pointless nobody who likes to hold power over the young and ignorant, or the ones without power. that shit is explainable and its all in the past. though i may have reoccurring memories ive already lived through it once. the loneliness kills, the paranoia kills, the pain kills, the dull and dreary existence kills, the thought that some one else makes her happy and pleases her kills. its all the small things that are so great.

its just ugh! if i could go back 2 yrs in time and just run away to my friends and never went home, i would be better off, i wouldnt be lonely and ect.

but the choices you make right? all up to fate right? i dont fucking care. i just dont care. i will never ever be who i want, i will never ever get what i want and ill just be… exactly

i hate my name, i hate my face i hate my body i hate my choices in life, i hate my existence, i hate my mind, i hate time, i hate all the time.

i in reality am i nice caring guy, i tend to be a gentleman, and i can be sweet. but i see all these nasty fucking guys with all these friends and girls and shit, so i put on this persona of being just like that. and i get the title creepy. lol. yes i know its hilarious.

another thing, im a perv, and i like to flirt. but who doesn’t? but when i do do it, im a whore, bleh fuck the stereo types. im me. that’s it, just boring fucked up me.

i could write all this sappy shit about how i like her eyes, and how she has beautiful hair, or how i like her smile, i like to see her smile and make her smile and how i just want her to be happy. but it would be pointless, and probably push her away. so yeah

this is another one of my pointless rants about shit about shit with shit next to shit about shit on shit under shit with more shit about shit about shit about shit. (man you need a grammar lesson, that was one hell of a run on sentence.) go shove it grammar nazi.

this will probably go unread, and i don’t give a fuck, it feels good to write, although all i can seem to write is pointless babble. its gotten out of me and spammed sp, so i guess in effect it did something.

so it appears i came here to write about one thing and ended up on several, enjoy nonexistent reader.