I think I am indeed going insane. In a heartbeat I’ll be gone from being numb to aching for a blade in my hand. I cut but I don’t understand why – I don’t feel anything. 50 times last night and I don’t feel anything. I was going to make myself homeless, but even any benefits I could’ve gained from that would’ve gone out of the window now. There’s nothing I can do to make my life worth living. So I’ll just sit here until I go completely insane or I slit my wrists, either way, it isn’t going to end well.
Due to the likely chance that things will go downhill from where I’m at now, it will probably be soon. The sooner the better I guess, it’s already been enough of my life that it’s screwed me up permanently, so I guess I don’t want to live with any more damage… Everything I try gets turned down, I fail EVERYTHING. And maybe that’s the way it’s going to always be, it’s never changed because I will always fail. I’m a failure…
I feel so numb that it wouldn’t matter how I died anymore, I used to think that there would be some methods I wouldn’t try, but I just want it to end. I’m going crazy and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, but I’m worried I might just feed the craziness when I finally do go insane. It shouldn’t be this way, the worst part is that it never had to end this way, but even the song I’m listening to makes sense, “People = Shit”.