But now it seems like eating disorders and self harm are all over the place. Iâ€™m sure Iâ€™ve probably been making the most weird and horrified faces at just about everything.
I got handed a knife to cut open a bag and the guy sitting next to me pointed to the bag and said â€œDonâ€™t cut yourself.â€ I almost dropped everything I was holding because I thought he was pointing at my left arm.
Later that night a friend walked in and said â€œMarion, youâ€™re so tiny and skinny.â€ I smiled because I was super proud of myself until she said â€œI donâ€™t mean to say you look anorexic skinny or anything. I know youâ€™re smarter than that. Youâ€™re just the perfect size.â€ I wanted to throw up but instead I just smiled and said thanks.
At my boyfriendâ€™s house, I saw a commercial for nutrition bars that lessen your appetite and it kept saying over and over â€œDonâ€™t eat. Eat less. Donâ€™t eat. Donâ€™t eat.â€ So I convinced him to do a bunch of coke with me so I would have an excuse to do just that.
Then last night as I was lying in bed I told him â€œYou make me so happy.â€ and his response was â€œGood, cause if I didnâ€™t I was gonna cut myself.â€ I froze and said what five or six times and he corrected himself saying it was just a bad joke. I wonder if he knows.