I just don’t know what to say.

I just shouldn’t talk anymore. Whenever I say something, it’s always wrong. People laugh at me because of it and when I ask for them to stop they only laugh harder. I say things like ‘ I feel so stupid’ or ‘I’m such an idiot’ and people just smile and nod. I’m always yelled at for things I say or do. I feel like I need to do something like cut but I’m too scared to. I think they’ll find out and hurt me or send me to a therapist. I’m just so confused. I’m so alone. I’m just not okay anymore. I used to be able to deal with this but now, I can’t. It’s so difficult for me to get up it the mornings and people wonder why, it’s because when I’m asleep I don’t feel worthless, fat, stupid, lonely, forgotten, or invisible I feel nothing. That’s why I sleep around on weekends, why I never leave my room, why all I ever say is ‘I’m tired’. I just don’t like life anymore. I hate the fact that when I was little the worst things that could happen were getting sick, getting a scraped knee, breaking my favorite toy etc. I hate that goodbyes only ment until tomorrow and I hate the fact that, that entire time I couldn’t wait to grow up. Now that I’m older I realize most goodbyes last for a really long time, the worst things that happen are getting a broken heart, suicides, school and all that stuff. I literally wish I could say this to the people around me, to make them realize just how bad this actually is, but I can’t and I never will. Because I’m scared. I really hope someone will understand what I’m going through soon, but I highly doubt it.