This lady came to my school today and talked about the dangers of dark magic. She talked about demon possession and how she was able to conjure spirits when she was in high school. I find it all entirely fascinating, but I am getting far too caught up in the dark world for it to be safe anymore. I feel constantly trapped in darkness and emptiness. I am never happy anymore. I have nothing to live for. I stopped using drugs and cutting nearly six weeks ago, and everything has grown worse, instead of better, since then. Everything is a constant battle. Far too often, I find myself sobbing on my bathroom floor in the middle of the night, with a blade in my hand, trying to refrain from cutting. I know that it sounds unpractical and cliche, but without cutting, I have no way to console myself. I understand that self harm can be dangerous, but having no way of escape seems to be much more dangerous. I feel defeated. I feel like a failure. Either I need to get worse so that I can just give up, or somehow I need to drastically change for the better. I need to get help, but I am unable to bring myself to do so. I just can’t keep living like this. I am in complete turmoil.