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I want to die.

by notdead87

I am a 25 year old musician. I have never had a problem with depression until recently. I was happy, touring in a band, making money doing it. Then everything came crashing down. Now all I think about is everything that I have lost.

My best childhood friend dies unexpectedly, then my mother, then my friends turn their back on me.

I have lost all inspiration, I hate everything I do. My girlfriend who I live with are becoming more and more distant. I’m stuck 1,000 miles away from home with a shitty job, nothing to show for myself, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die alone.

I have nobody who I feel like I can talk to and I try to find any way I can to escape reality.

I have no idea what to do anymore and recently I have been having more and more suicidal thoughts.

I have never felt like this before.

 

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2 comments

bluemonday 4/2/2013 - 5:05 am

Sorry for the people you have lost. I’m sure that’s hard, especially your mom.

What kind of music did you play?

In my experience it seems life goes in waves like this. You had a good run for a while and hit a rough patch. Can’t kill yourself the first second it gets hard. Well, you can, but makes more sense to wait for things to improve again. You had some luck so far, not many people can say their band started touring and they actually made money from it. Hopefully things will get better again.

What’s stopping you from going back home? Sounds like you would be happier there.

AbstractThought 4/2/2013 - 2:07 pm

In your ‘case’ grief might have triggered your depression. You can give some time to it. Can I ask for how long it has been lasting? Thanks

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