i hate how i cant hate you , i hate how i cant hate you for cheating on me , i hate how i cant hate you for telling me twice that you don’t love me in that way anymore , i hate how i still want you so bad , i hate how you cant feel what i am feeling ,  i hate that you couldn’t feel the pain i was feeling ,  that after a year and a half ,  you just cant love me like that anymore , how one day was so perfect , and then the next , it was a disaster  , i wish you could feel the way i feel ,and after everything that’s you’ve done to me , and after everything that’s happened , i still want you more then anything in this world , .. but I’m nothing to you now , … after a year and half , .. i’m nothing , it sucks knowing that someone who you thought loved you so much ,and someone who made you feel the way you did , could just not love you anymore  i cant help but feel maybe if i was better looking ,you could love me again , i hate knowing that you’re going to date the girl you cheated on me with , … i cant help but be filled up with so much hate , i wanna feel something other then this hate , but i cant , and i don’t wanna be here anymore ,  the first time i tried i failed and i was so sad and mad when i woke  up in  the hospital the next day ,  i wish you could feel the pain Ive been feeling , i wish you would feel the same way as i do towards you , you’re my everything , and i’m your nothing ,  you were there for me when i told you that i was sexual abused twice ,  you were there for me , when i tried to end it the first time , you were there threw everything ,  i told you everything , and i feel so broken , and i don’t wanna feel like this anymore , i wanna feel something other then this hatred  i just wish you wanted me as bad as i wanted you ,
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you’re one of the only people who seem to be feeling what i feel, i can’t say i know exactly because i haven’t walked in your shoes. But i do the pain of loving someone to point where you would do anything for them, i’ve almost died 4 times trying my hardest for the person i loved…They told me everything i wanted to hear and then before i knew it i fell for their lies, now everything they told me is nothing more than a hope and dream i hold onto but know will never come true. I let her go not because i wanted to not because it was the right thing to do. But no matter how much she had hurt me or the fact that i will NEVER love another girl besides her, i forced myself to let her go for HER to be happy. I’ve regretted it for so long, i still love her, i may be a broken hollow shell of what i used to be, but she’s happy…I want to say you’d eventually forget but you don’t if you really love someone and mean it, you’ll never stop. All you can do is hope, and no matter how much you lose hope, because it tends to happen a lot…Just believe that there will be someone who wants you as much as you want them. That’s what i tell myself, it’s whats kept me from completely going insane so far…
thats kinda like exactly how i feel , like its like no matter what he dose to me , i always seeem to still wnat him , hes th world to me , and it sucks so much knowing that im not the thing that makes him happy anymore , because thats what i wnated , but me and him are still friends , and we talkk everyday , lik all day , but i just wish it was the wy it used to be before ,i nmean i do wwnat him in my life somehoe , but i just wish it was the onther , way , but its better to have someone in your life as a friend then not at all , and i havent told him how sad ive been because i know that it would just bring him down , and no matter how much i do wish he could feel what ive been feeling , i dont want him to be sad , and i want him to be as happy as he can be , eveen if that means hes happy without me , i keep saying to myself , maybe someday along the road , his feelings will come back for me , and then we can start over , thats the only thing that keeps me from crying over him ,