it beats feeling

I stopped taking my meds.By the end of the month i will have enough.I just hope i get the courage to go all the way.In the past ive been scared and gotten help.dont know why i keep doing that?although im pretty sure theyd let me bleed to death at the hospital.Ive been there to many times for them to care.I remember taking my psych meds and i almost suffocated.Funny how just when your dying instinct kicks in and you fight to live.Damn i wish i could stop doing this already.But the crazy side of me just wants to keep trying.Who knows if ill die this time or not.But it beats feeling numb,It beats feeling like you have no future.It beats feeling.