I stayed away from Collin for a day. He told me to call and sure enoughÂ I did. What happened?Â He let it go to voicemail, he was testing me to see ifÂ I was still there. Possibly sitting around for him whenÂ I wasÂ not.
I am slowly slipping away from the real world and wanting this all to be a fantasy. I want to be loved but you can never force someone to love you or that will push them farther away. Men like Collin just want to know that no matter what, someone will always be there to catch them when they fall, but when it is your turn to be caught they are no where to be found.
You can never forget your first love, so I have heard. I want to go back in time so badly, maybe just enough so I had never met him, maybe I would be happier right now. Although, I know deep down he has changed me for the better and that is whyÂ I cling so tight. He has changed my life, totally flipped it inside-out, and that is why I am still here. I am so used to falling back into to his trap and staying there that is has become routine to me, the “norm”.
Today at school, when i had recieved his text and he did not answer, I walked swiftly to the bathroom, locked the door, fell to the floor and began sobbing my eyes out quietly.
This pain has become so unbearable, I will have to let go sooner rather than later. I cannot take this anymore. Everybody needs a friend to vent to though I dont have one.
Whoever is still here and reading thank you for being my friend for the moment.
Have a nice day