My story..

I’ve struggled for a very very long time, and since i were young i’ve been depressed..

-Always bullied, abused and threatened..

When i were young up till today I’ve been going trough mental and psychical abuse., At my elementary schools i oftenly got threatened with knives and to be beaten up. A few times they even beat me up, hit me in places people couldn’t see the bruises on, and said If I’d tell anyone they’d cut my throat..

I tried to talk to people about it but always got laughed at and they said I’m just making things up, no one is doing such a thing to me, and when I showed them my bruises, they just said it was from playing and I should stop making up sad stories..

-Always the black sheep, never the hero..

I’ve lived with my parents and older sister untill they divorced and me and my sister were taken along by my mother around the age of 7, to a bad neighbourhood where I got threats and our young kitten of 8 weeks got brutally murdered.

when my mother re-married to a new man, we moved again and not too long after i had a younger brother and sister..

2 more kids who could tell “oh Josh is hurting me :C” and cry at mom and my stepdad.. which resulted me to get punished.

I admit sometimes I did bad things just to get their attention, even if it was being scolded at.. I just wanted to be seen.

but even when I did nothing I got punished over things I hadn’t been near the happening of..

– eventually i did get some friends.. and those friends (in which you are one of them) kept me going for at least a few more years..

’round late elementary /begin highschool I’ve gotten a friend, and the following years a few more. they kept me going all this time, said I were special

that I meant so much to them and we’d always be friends.

they pulled me trough years of heavy abuse at highschool as everyone in the class but those 2 friends hated me. they blackmailed me and beat me up, broke my nose in the first year and this all followed up to the final year..

I had to split ways with those friends after that, and havn’t heard of them ever since.. all my attempts to contact them failed..

-However, I’m still deeply unhappy.. and Im done..

after those years I made new friends who still tell me things will get better but.. I’m done.. I’m tired and unhappy.

I’ve lived my life to this day unhappy and I had enough of it, there isn’t a future for me, because the friends I have now are online.. I sit in my room daily alone, because there isn’t a living being near to take me out and live..

And when i go out on my own, it isn’t of use either..

but I am rather content.. you know, with going away..

I’ll finally be able to get the rest i wanted to take years ago..

Is it so bad of me being done with my life? Wanting to give up and just die..?

I tried for nearly 20 years to get happy.. but I can’t remember when I last was truely happy..