On drugs and life

Oh well, life has been… well, life has been life lately. I am posting here because I feel the need to after some crazy weeks. Still trouble with education and law, basically everyone is endlessly procrastinating. I couldn’t care less. I have been taking insane amounts of benzos for a few days until I ran out. Life is quite a lot more bearable when you are unconscious, surprisingly. Alcohol helps too, the combination is good too. Until you run out and you have to withdraw. I had been taking the benzos on prescription as a sleep aid on-and-off for a few years, so withdrawing from them was not a lot of fun. Especially seeing the insane overdoses I had been taking ‘recreational’ for some time. Once, the day directly after another high dose and having none left I felt the weirdest sensation. I couldn’t breathe and all my blood seemed to go all the way up into the top of my body, my ears were ringing and my head felt ready to explode, so did my hands. It was kinda scary but now everything seems normal again.

One thing I am certain of right now: benzos aren’t very suitable to abuse, actually they are somewhat boring compared to another “drug” I had the pleasure to interact with last Friday: weed (well hash to be precise, doesn’t really matter for the story, still got stoned). It was an absolutely intense experience. I was at a party at my brother’s house, there were some people, all much older than I am. Well we were talking and stuff, listening to some music, drinking some beer, the usual stuff. One guy is rolling some of the stuff and it gets my attention. I get quite interested in the stuff and ask him some stuff about it, finally ending up in a ‘hey, can I try?’. Of course I can, I live nearby, he proceeds to roll some of it and well, I try it you know. At first I don’t feel anything, until I feel a weird noise escaping from me while taking a puff. I look up to see some people grinning at me and I proceed to laugh as well, my eyes feel weird and kind of good too. The experience was really intense from there, of course I smoked a bit more and stayed there chilling out for a while longer. It suddenly felt as though my thoughts weren’t buzzing around in my head like crazy, it was calm. I didn’t feel anxious around all those people I had never met either, rather it felt like we were somehow connected, everything felt perfectly in sync. I wanted it to never end. Potato chips became the most interesting thing in the universe, I couldn’t focus on conversation though, kept dreaming off in the middle of other people’s sentences and I couldn’t talk normally either, I was just uttering gibberish all the time. It probably didn’t help that I kept drinking too… Well eventually it did pass of course, but it remains to be a divine experience. Something that I will definitely do again as soon as I get the chance to.

So yea, life has been interesting for a while, maybe it will remain interesting. I hope it will, there are so many things I want to do, so many things to live for. But basically I am just typing this because I am procrastinating, I should be coding instead, and I am only coding to procrastinate my homework! Yup it’s a pathological problem…Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb