On the edge..

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Nobody wants me around anymore, or maybe they never wanted me around in the first place…
I fuck everything up.
Life is so painful.
Everyday is just so stressful and it’s just not worth it anymore.
I want to die so bad, but I fear that I will be missing out on something good that might happen later in life.
No one loves me.
They all just pretend to care and I’m really sick of it.
I wanted to grow up and help others with mental illnesses and those who are suicidal get help.
I would absolutely LOVE doing that.
It was my reason to live, to help people like me, and make their lives a little more bearable.
But I don’t even know if I’ll get into a college now.
All I do is take up space.
Life is so incredibly difficult for me to handle and no one has any idea.
I keep trying to tell people.
I tell them and they just don’t get it.
They don’t care enough to worry about me.
I keep trying to get help no matter how many times I am turned away or told that I need to suck it up and get over it because I don’t have problems.
No one cares.
And it’s killing me because I need someone to get me the help I need to feel better.
To not want to kill myself all the time.
Two teenagers in my community committed suicide this year within two weeks.
One went to my school and rode my bus.
And after she killed herself a lot of people would post things on facebook like “you can always talk to me no matter what, I’m here for you”
But it doesn’t work that way.
I have been trying so damn hard to find someone to talk to,
Someone to take me seriously.
I’m wasting my life away and I just wish there was some way out of this without dying but right now that seems to be the only option.