Pain: The only thing stopping me.

Can you believe it? The only thing stopping me from suicide is the fear of the physical pain I will feel. I’m scared of jumping in front of a train, of using a knife, of jumping – all due to the unimaginable pain that I imagine will be felt.

I just want it to be painless.

I’ve already resolved to commit suicide – but I’m being held back  by the stupid fear of pain.

I have already resolved that I am not a viable member of the human race – I have failed. I am now mediocre. And this was always my worst fear – becoming mediocre and crap. And now that I am, the end must be nigh. The issues in my life and mind are so complex that there is nothing possible that can be done.

But that fear, that fear is holding me back and causing so much trouble…