Planning to kill myself at a certain age

Hi! Now, let me start off by saying that I am not full of the same deep-seated depression as many of you are.

My family loves me, I was never molested, I haven’t even cut myself. But I still want to commit suicide.

Not now, not even tomorrow. But upon reaching a certain age, I have not decided upon the age yet – it may be 60 or 70 even. But I will do it.

I know what you’re thinking - Well, if he’s got a good life, why would he kill himself? That’s just plain selfish!

But the thing is, I’m Asexual. I won’t ever have a wife to mourn me or children to leave heartbroken on my demise. Hopefully, when I eventually go, no one will even notice my passing.

I will admit, the dreariness of life has sometimes led to me wanting to just end it all sooner, but my obligations to my family won’t let me. But by that age, when I’m getting older and nearing the end of my life, well, hopefully I can just check out without hurting too many folks.

I’m sure you want reasons behind my words – well, the reason is simple; I want total control of my life. I can think of nothing more ignoble than being diagnosed with some ailment and dying on a hospital bed – unable to even speak. It happened to my grandmother, and I swore to myself that I would NEVER allow myself to reach that state, with tubes and needles sticking out of me.

Besides, I hate the elderly. And I would hate to become one of those bitter, evil-minded codgers who despises youth and change. I will at least have the good grace to pass on of my own accord and leave the world to spin on without me.