the story of how I died

I’m dead. I don’t seem dead, I can breathe and taste food and smell flowers, and I don’t look dead but I AM DEAD. My mind has turned into decay, bit by bit it’s crumbling to dust. A lunatic lives inside here, a scavenger that feeds upon my decaying soul.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see my silhouette anymore, all I see is this thing that’s consuming me and my shadow behind it like a forgotten whisper of who I was once upon a time. I’ve shredded everything that has made me once me, my faith and my imagination are gone and now all I have is this monster that I suddenly don’t seem to want to let go off. It yells into my brain and it scratches my insides until it makes me bleed, bleed invisible blood that makes me scream into my pillow and makes me grab a dagger and want to cut the monster into pieces but it’s in me and I cannot seem to reach it and I have no idea what to do maybe if I sleep long enough it’ll forget me and leave me or it would grow old and wither away so I swallow and swallow these little white circles and gulp and gulp with this mediocre liquid and I daze and daze. But no, I am not resting, there is no rest for the wicked after all and this thing, this thing that has become me has made me very wicked indeed. She’s screaming now, crying also and someone is carrying me and suddenly I’m in a hospital bed and someone has shoved something tar like, almost like ash mixed with blood, down my throat and I’m puking my guts out. Next thing I see is a needle in my arm and clear liquid moving into me. The pale liquid looked like it was shining and I feared that it would feed the monster living inside me, feed it rather than erode it.
And now I look into this mirror and I do not see myself, or the monster or the shadow or any sign of human life; I’m looking but there is nothing there but the smooth surface of the mirror, the undecided color that seems almost like elfish silver. And that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew I died and all this time they thought they were healing me they just killed my soul completely only leaving this shell behind. I am dead but I am alive and this paradox that has become me is the most awful yet fascinating thing of all.