There’s Something More

This is coming from an agnostic…but I can verify that there is, in fact, something more. When my partner left me (you’ll excuse how disjointed and crazy this is, it was many years ago) when my ex left me at my best friend’s apartment he asked me whether or not I was “stable” I…of course…answered “yes”. I requested on the way there that we stop at the pharmacy so I could pick up some Excedrin. (I got my Benadryl instead.)  I’d never been asked that question before, nor had I considered myself “unstable” I told him I was fine.  I asked him to take me to a friend’s apartment as I didn’t care to spend another night in the house that I had spent my savings remodeling for the dickhead. I had no idea the kind of welcome I was going to receive…she was not there…I had a key…. (as a matter of fact, I ought not have been there as she had told me that she wanted nothing to do with me due to my choice in men [which is rather poor, I must admit]) I had previously taken inventory of my medication (as well as my friend’s). I had shit-load of amitriptyline and like 4 Vicodin. After having interned as an ER nurse I know that this is would keep me knocked out for a couple days, no more. However, if one mixes this BS with Diphenhydramine it causes cardiac arrest. In a pleasant way….the Benadryl makes you go to sleep and stay asleep. Thank “God” for 24 hour pharmacies. Many meds and I took all this with a bottle of Stoli…  I was falling asleep and dying…perfectly happy, sitting in my wingback with the cat when the paramedics showed up. They had to kick the door in.  There was no call placed from my cell phone or her home telephone (she was not there)…I broke one of my good friend’s noses (I was unaware that he was trying to help[He is a paramedic…sorry Greg, you’re hot even with nose-aid LMFAO]) while trying to simply make them let me go back inside. I just wanted them to leave me alone….I really wanted to die. I am 6′ 7″ tall. They put me on that gurney and I flipped myself up and threw myself out of the ambulance… I tried running back inside. I wanted (want to) go. They finally gave a combo of Thorazine and Geodon, which obviously would put out a pissed off bull, I wanted to go…still do… I’ll finish this story later. I unfortunately have to function tomorrow.  I never thought it would be this hard to tell my story.