Maybe this is just a trial run. It would take about 900 sleeping pills to kill me, according to my calculations and information on the web. I’ve taken only 40 so there ‘s clearly no danger of dying. What I’m hoping for is a deep sleep like death, and maybe I’ll learn if I want to go all the way or if it’s something that frightens me.
I did this a few years ago and found myself struggling for life, hating the feeling of losing control. But a few years of crap piled on me has changed things. This time the creeping unconsciousness feels welcoming. I feel like taking 40 more and 40 more.
It feels nice. My contempt of the world is getting quieter. I can hear only the ringing in my ears. I can see only the soothing red of my eyelids when they close. My limbs are electrified but in a good way. So far this test flight is a success. What the heck, I’ll take a few more
4 comments
Well, at least your guaranteed a good nights sleep. My doctor won’t give me anything, nothing.
I remember when I tried to kill myself with some pills. I also remember the feeling of near weightlessness after the first few. I clearly remember, however, the feeling I had when my thoughts drifted to my family. I understand how you feel, about what you have been through and from what I understand you have indeed been through a lot. I admit that my situation is very different, but I can see where you are coming from. However, what about the people around you? What would they be without you? After all, to them you are, believe it or not, important. Everyone matters to someone.
I also understand that everyone is different, but please give yourself pause and think about it.
Hi Aquarius, I did sleep a long time. But towards the end I had horrible nightmares about my real life problems. The sleeping pills I took are non prescription diphenhydramine HCl… same thing in allergy medication (Benadryl). My doc wouldn’t prescribe anything either 🙁
Hi Freakshow, you described it perfectly… the first few pills give a nice feeling of weightlessness. Like all the problems in the world are left behind.
I do have 1 or 2 people who care a lot about me, but it’s funny, when I think of suicide I don’t consider those people at all. I guess I’m a selfish bastard. Or maybe I’m disappointed in them for failing me. Or maybe I see how much trouble I’m causing them by being alive, I might as well end it and let them move on with their lives.
I think the truth is I’m just a selfish bastard.