So I’m 14, I know too young to be feeling this way. But I have no confidence I cant stand looking in the mirror I hate myself. I’ve been breaking down a lot, nothing but crying this isn’t the first time but its never been this bad. I literally have been having suicidal thoughts everyday, its gotten to the point to where I almost started crying in school today. I barely started cutting again. I had stopped in like November-ish of last year I think. But its been awhile and I started up again like in April I think. I’ve written so many suicide letters its ridiculous. The thing that would always get to me is my family, I don’t think id be able to take the pain it would cause them if I was gone. But lately it hasn’t really gotten to me and that’s what scares me the most. I don’t care if I go to hell or heaven I just want to get out of this world. The thing that I hate the most is that I’m always there for people whenever their breaking down but I’m always left with no one, nobody cares. I would talk to my mom but she’d probably just block me out like when she had found out I was cutting for the first time. This is the first time I ever had a cry for help like this. People always say its going to end and i’ll be happy again, but when?! I’ve been like this since 5th grade and I’m in 8th going to be in 9th. I would take pills but my mom usually holds onto them in her room and she’s always in there. I would cut deeper but I think bleeding to death is terrible. Any suggestions? The pills that my mom is holding onto are Hydrocodone and Ibuprophen  (spell check?) should I sneak in there tomorrow? But I seriously want to be gone be tonight
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3 comments
no, i don’t think taking pills is a good idea. some struggles will last your entire lifetime, that’s the reality. i think you should tell a school counselor, or your parents that you are depressed. believe it or not, there are grown ups that care, you just have to find the one that can help you. i’m 20 and i’ve had confidence problems my whole life. the things is, i know that no matter what, i am me and i better accept it. i would try looking for something to do that makes you really happy, and not staying online for too long. something that takes a lot of dedication and hard work, so that when you accomplish something, you feel good about yourself.
When will it end? My friend, the pain we all endure will never end. There will always be bad days, always be upsets and heartbreaks. I was diagnosed with depression at age thirteen, so no, you are not too young to feel this way.
You say you want to kill yourself, I hear that. I understand it. You feel alone in this, and truthfully, this is your obstacle. There are those who will help, some who want to help (your new friend blindscholar being one of them) but at the end of the day you need to find your own reasons to keep fighting it. I can’t make you live, I can’t stop you from cutting, I can’t stop you from taking pills. What I can do is offer you some insight, take it or don’t, that is your decision to make my friend.
Noone cares?
It may seem like it, but there are people on this site who give a care about you.
You’re 14 and you think you are too young to feel this way?
It doesn’t matter how old you are, the fact is, you feel the way you do, and that’s that.
Drop me a line if needed.
It’s brl.cents@gmail.com