Gone are the days when therapists believe in their patients. In their ability to survive – although often times as they struggle in the deepest darkest places inside themself. They know that we are cutters, have eating disorders, self medicate, and many other things but they forget that we are SURVIVORS. Our coping methods may not be the norm, but our lives aren’t either. It’s what we do to save ourselves.
Gone are the days when therapists remember that we are not ourself when we enter their office. We are wounded and afraid. We are depressed and angry. We have been living with these pains long before we met them and they are not going to heal overnight. We will continue to flounder and suffer as we build trust and are accepted for who we have become – the self we are at that moment in our life.
Gone are the days when therapists remember that they are there to listen without judgement. Because while they may have read it in a book, they likely haven’t experienced what we have endured.
Gone are the days when therapists remember where they end and we begin. That ‘we’ – me and you and all the baggage we carry – is not theirs. ‘We’ are not about them and they shouldn’t allow themselves to take our baggage personally. That we bring it with us for them to help us sort, but not to take upon themself.
Gone are the days when therapists remain patient and tolerant and unassuming. The days that when, even if they think they think they understand, they know they likely don’t.
Gone are those days, I guess.
5 comments
Maybe you’ve just had shitty therapists?
Mine is amazingly patient and kind. Or, if that’s just an act, it’s a very convincing one. She’s said she believes in me. I love her. (too much)
I might be singing a different tune when she eventually gets tired of my lack of progress and declares me a hopeless failure O.o
Hi, SadBk. Well (smile), I don’t think any therapist that I’ve had is ‘shitty’ but I know what you mean. I just think that some are not trained well.
I used to have a wonderful therapist when I was much younger. She trained at one of the top schools / clinics in the U.S. and with people who are experts in the mental health field. Some have written books and their names you would likely recognize. And, although I still talk with her after 30 years, she really isn’t my therapist (we live about 500 miles from each other now).
I’ve recently had a lot of things going on and decided to re-enter therapy but the last couple I’ve had haven’t been the greatest. The first is still trying to advocate for me against the State so that I can get hearing aids but we don’t have therapy because it wasn’t working (she does CBT and I couldn’t grasp it – plus, overall, my hearing loss really complicates my life right now). The second just dumped me because rather than talk to my old therapist – the one who has known me for 30 years – she consulted with people who had never met me for advice. As a result, she decided that I was too difficult and terminated with me on a Sunday, via email.
So, I guess I’m discouraged. I guess I wrote this because it’s either this or blame myself, which I tend to do more and more anyway. I think I’m defective on many levels. And, I’m really tired.
I hope your therapist doesn’t ever get tired of you. I hope she is always there for you. I hope this for everyone here who is trying to stay alive and has reached out for help.
I’m impressed that you still talk to that therapist from long ago. Seems like they would consider it unethical nowadays? Perhaps knowing that you could never do therapy with her again would change that.
Thank you. And I hope you find another diamond in the rough somehow.
I think most people – and therapists – do think that we shouldn’t be friends but like I said, it’s been 30 years in the making. And, it didn’t start out that way in terms of it happened after I had stopped working with her and gradually. For the longest time she was the only healthy person in my life because of my situation. At this point, I have no family so, she is sort of the closest thing to a relative that have. My one constant, I guess.
I think maybe if I could just find someone (a therapist) to talk to instead of trying to do intentsive therapies, I might be better off. Drudging up past hurts only seems to make things worse at this point. I don’t know if it’s me or the therapists I’ve chosen but if I’m to the point of hanging myself over it, I maybe should try something else.
Thanks.
Gone are the days… that we perhaps incorrectly remember existed.
Also:
“…consulted with people who had never met me for advice. As a result, she decided that I was too difficult and terminated with me on a Sunday, via email.”
HA! Sounds like someone i’ve known…
Everyone is flawed in some way, but how can we blame ourselves for being humanly imperfect? Anyone blaming anyone for being human, is just another robotic non-person.
“You’re human!? You make mistakes and feel ways about stuff??
HOW /DARE/ YOU!!!”
But yeah. Lots of people really do suck. Especially those in the psychology industry, who seem to tend to treat damaged people like less than people.