I’m 13, And have a crazy family. I Have a bipolar raging mother who beats me occasinally, A dad who could give less of a fuck, a brother and sister both younger who always push my buttons even if i’m already crying, and a grandma who doesn’t help. Â My mom is mainly the reason im here. I’ve been suicidal since i was 9. I’ve grown up mentally as well, i stay locked in my room almost everyday wondering what Â to do and how to die. I have countless scars on my arms from cutting, thinking it was the only way to escape , and now i’m at a horrible point of suicidal thoughts where i dont think i can turn back. I dont know how to though, ive thought of the usual shoot myself but i dont have a gun. I’ve thought of helium and drowning. I cry almost every night and my mother always complains to me to stop this “drama” . i hate every inch of myself, im the most insecure person ever. She’s stripped my confidence by calling me names my entire life. She hates me more then anything and when i tell the counselour and she calls my mom in, my mom pretends everythings just perfect. Nobody believes me thinking my family is the nicest. And i dont know what to do. my thoughts control me too, i stay up all night thinking of how life would be without me. I’ve lost the joy of wanting to hang out with friends and everything. I Wanna be alone but also wanna escape.