I am a bit off, when I was younge my father raped me. But I do not hate my father for rapeing me or making me watch porn, I am a bit up set for not being able to be completely innocent but I do not hate my father , in fact I am abit sorry for him for being as perverted as me with the male gender. Ever since I can rember I have Dream of porn or sex dreams. I have dream of being abused and watching other people getting abused. At one point I felt horrible for having a dirty mind, I still kinda do… But I am older know and realized that I migth will never date..if my shyness towards nonaggresive guys continue…I will probably collect Hentai and porn…but at the same times it’s soo wrong wanting to be abused wanting a sickco as a lover…..is this ok? Am I all rigth…I feel so sick of my self, my thougths are getting out of hand … I find my self day dreaming about having s.x with my grand pa, my mother, my teachers, I don’t think I would mind walking the streets late at nigth ..witch is wrong those girls have horrible lives ……my mind is getting out of hand, I find my self liking golden showers and other horrible things that is probably much worst….I hate being perverted …but it fills my mind as much as my depression….it even be the resone I can’t stand talking to other females….like they all should either be controlled by someone or there mounth need to be shut…..I don’t know why females annoy me…….even thougth I am one..I am soo stupide …
Do you think I am sick?
5 comments
If your post is true, then yes, you’re still suffering the sexual abuse from your father and it made you sick. You need professional medical and psychological help so that you don’t have to second guess your libido. Also, your grammar and spelling must improve 😉 I wish you well, AR… Call the number on the homepage and they can help you a bit with that.
It’s not your fault you were raise in such a horrible way. But, it’s good that you realize that something needs to change, and you can definitely do that. Habits take awhile to develop, so just be determined to fully enjoy your life.
The number on the Holme page scares me be cuase I don’t want to be sent back to the hospital
Many people are “afraid” of what is “different” and what they don’t understand … there is nothing inherently wrong with being “perverted” … how you got to this point is unhealthy but being that way is not necessarily a “sickness”. There are large communities of people who enjoy BDSM and other “perverted” lifestyles in a safe, healthy and respectful manner.
What’s a concern and perhaps more of a “sickness – is wishing to harm/control others against their will. The first key to acceptance is to be accepting of others who are different form yourself and respecting that they may not share your views or preferences. I think being open minded and exposing yourself to more mainstream and positive behaviors might begin to change your views. Just because we become fixated on some “out there” things in our minds does not necessarily mean we want to or have to act upon those thoughts.
I’m no doctor by any means nor any kind of mental health professional but i might suggest you consider finding some kind of therapy or group to deal with your self esteem, PTSD and the original abuse
gentle dawg
@animerocks500 – I’m responding to your last comment on your other post on this one – since i’ve already interacted with you here and the “title” won’t take up half the comments page (yes, i know that was accidental 😉 ) non the less for convenience, i figured responding here would be more convenient for everyone.
Thanks for your kind words … not sure i’f i’m worthy of them but thanks all the same. I’m just a flawed guy like anyone else who feels sharing my thoughts and experiences might be helpful to others who haven’t had these experiences or don’t have a positive influence or confidant to listen and off opinions objectively.
regular joe dawg
Oh ok dawg thank you for your responds ^^