Today,31 May 2013,I just came back from school feeling absolutely sleep deprived and unmotivated. I had it tough these few weeks. School,projects,assignments and continuous disgust i get from the people who resents me,has made life pretty much unbearable these few days. I have been crying these few days and just trying to hold on to what I know best.
I notice that no matter how much effort i put into school,things never go the way i want it to be. It makes me breakdown inside. I feel so hopeless and I feel so useless. I feel that I was never meant for college life. Honestly,right now I just wanna give up and quit school. I don’t know what to do anymore.
What hurts the most is the fact that i feel like each day I am disappointing my parents. They have fork out alot of money for my college despite the financial difficulty my family is facing right now. I feel like I’m wasting both their time,effort and money. I’m not performing as well as I thought i could and I honestly feel so guilty whenever I look into my parents eyes. I feel so useless..so useless that I’m beginning to think..am I really gonna fail in my life and future?Can I even grow up to help my parents and pull them out of this financial difficulty we are facing?
I just don’t have any confidence that I can even make it anymore..i’m so badly motivated that it’s to an extend I wanna give up and let go. But if I do,I know I will only disappoint my parents more.
I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t. I had a presentation today. I had to cover 8 factors in under 2mins. For some reason, my grp leader did not divide the slides equally so i had more to present. After the presentation, my teacher went up to me and said I was talking so fast that she couldn’t catch what I was trying to say. At that point,all I thought was..”That’s it I’m gonna get bad grades yet again”..I don’t know what to do. What’s the point of me going to school when I can’t even do well?When I can’t even make my parents proud. I feel so useless. So stupid. It’s like I failed miserably in life and I don’t even know whether I can have a good future.
I just wanna give up so so badly right now. Let go and leave things. Leave school. I don’t know..I just really don’t know anymore..
4 comments
Do YOU want to be in college? Do YOU want to graduate? Its your life and you have the right to do with it, whatever you want. I know how it feels when you feel like you let your parents down and they have done so much for you. But you have the rignt, no you have the obligation to finde out what YOU want, what makes YOU happy. Sometimes what you want or what you CAN do differs from your parents wishes. Thats OK. Im certain, that they want more than anything for you to be happy.
I know sometimes you gotta chase your dreams.Do what you want.Do the things that makes you happy.I do have dreams,I wish I can live that dream of mine but I can’t afford to.Not right now with the kind of situation my parents are facing.Trust me,I do want to do the things that makes me happy more than anything in this world but I can’t.It’s just complicated.Sometimes duty means doing the things your heart may well regret.I wish I had more options but I don’t.Maybe someday I might be able to live my dreams but right now I have responsibilities and my parents needs me more than ever.I can’t abandoned them just so I can live this dream of mine.If I have a chance one day when every single problems of mine are settled,I might continue the dream I left half way down the road.If I don’t than maybe it was never meant to be.I wish I could even consider the questions you ask me but I can’t.Thanks though i appreciate it.It’s nice to know someone out there cares.
Stop putting yourself down. It is hard to cover a lot in 2 minutes. Trust me I’ve had less than that to present three different projects at the same time. Hell fucking yeah its hard. You were nervous. The best thing to do for presentations is practice outloud or with a classmate. My biggest presentation problem is i talk too fast but it doesnt mean you’ll get a bad grade. In school you have to try, try some more, maybe fail a bit, then keep trying. I alwats failed in school for lack of effort, when i did put forth effort things went wrong but id still try and id have a decent result….just gotta try…if you want to go to college you can do it.
I suppose if you went through all that and manage to pull through,i can do it too right?A friend once told me a quote “Nothing in the world that’s worth having comes easy”.I only have one year left.If I quit now than I am the biggest fool besides I might never forgive myself if I do.It’s hard but no matter what,i need to pull through.I can’t afford to go to university.For all I know college will be the last time I ever get to study.So I need to make the best out of it while it last.Thanks I appreciate it.