I feel so unsure about my life at the moment and I don’t know why.
I don’t know what to do after school and I am generally unsure about myself.
I am a 17, soon 18, year old male and I feel pretty much useless at the moment.
I have a great family and I don’t want to hurt them. I know that suicide will hurt them a lot because my uncle did it not too long ago…
I have never seen my grand parents so sad as they were after that. I just can’t stand the thought of doing that to my parents.
But at the same time I don’t think I have what it takes to carry on. I have trouble waking up in the mornings because my dreams are often reflections of how I wanted to act in situations that have happened to me. What I should say to that girl I love in school. In my dreams everything works out, but in reality I don’t have the guts to do it because I’m afraid of rejection and always have been.
I have a problem to talk to people overall actually.
I often think to myself that this is just something that many kids in my age feel and it’s hormones and stuff that make me feel like this, and really there are people that have it worse, but what if it doesn’t pass? Then I don’t think I can take it anymore.
Still… I don’t really think I will do anything. I’m to scared of death and pain to try anything. But I don’t know what to do with my life… Right now, all I feel is pathetic.
2 comments
Hay Mat, I have not been on here in months but I just popped on to read a few posts and yours was number one.
Every word you have written I wrote 4 years ago. I am 22 now, I am about the graduate from college, I have a job already and I started dating this girl a few weeks ago. She thinks I am hot even though I don’t, so don’t worry about your looks, there are nice girls who don’t care about that stuff.
but yeah, Not wanting to hurt your parents, feeling pathetic, my aunt killed herself.
Life is tough man, but hang in there, it took me a couple years to snap out it. It takes months and years to change, but you can change. I did, I am happy now.
Chin up bro, your not pathetic unless you hurt or take advantage of other people.
Ruins
🙂
Thanks, even though it’s sad that there are others who feel this way it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one and that it may work out in the end.
It meant a lot to me.
/ Mat