I’m Back Again :)

Hello, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here posting my feelings and troubles. I’m back because I have some new stories to tell. I am now currently 14, finally, turning 15 in 6 months. My last post was about my ex-boyfriend and his cousin, gladly that issue is resolved with (on my hand) some people will call “tell dad about it”. My father is a good man even though I have not had him in my life until last year. Well it is now 2013 and I am finally in high school getting great grades 3.0 GPA. I have my life mapped out for myself already; Marine Core, UCLA to get my ECE to become a Labor and Delivery Nurse.  I have improved my complications with my grandmother by just doing whatever I have to do in the house, joining sports such as basketball and track, joining clubs such garden club which I get paid for it, class of 2016, and Dance. I have been good for the most part. I have also joined an organization called Youth Choir of San Diego. We pair with different high schools in our community. In that choir I have met a young man. He is friends with my ex-boyfriend that I was with 4 years ago. Go figure right? In the relation of us talking we finally got the courage to confess our feelings to one another. This is the down fall. . . One day I asked him to come over and meet the family, my family accepts him but they do not know we are together. When I walked him home I met his mother and she accepted me and she does know. I was supposed to go home but his mother asked me to stay for dinner so I called my grandmother got her permission and stayed. After dinner he showed me around the house and then we sat in the living room. His mother soon fell asleep in her room. We were just sitting on the couch talking about each others day, then he leaned and kissed me. Next thing I knew we were having sex. I really don’t regret it because this is someone I love and I am grateful that I gave my virginity to him and not someone else. But I have to remember that he just turned 17 and I’m 14 about to be 15, even if we only have a two year difference it’s still wrong that I lost it at an early age. I don’t regret it, I really don’t regret anything that has happened between us. What I do regret is not looking at the condom after we were finished. If it broke or not something must be wrong for me to not have my period for four days and counting. . . I’m hoping it is just that since it was my first time my dates have changed. My friend was supportive enough to buy me a pregnancy test and my other friend is supportive enough to comfort me. I have another friend but she is being unsupportive because he picked me instead of her, but she never told me or him that she liked him. It’s just those two friends that I have and my  sister and I am thankful. If I am pregnant I do not want to abort or give my child up for adoption, it is my responsibility for my ridiculous actions. He said he will be there for it also. I don’t want my child going through the things I have, even if it means my grandmother is highly upset. Actions come with consequences and FEAR has two definitions: Fuck Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. I will do everything in the best of my ability to rise and I know I will pull through, that is why I’m here today.