Let Me Live Again

Let me live again
Let me dream of how things were
Let life be my grass I walk on
Looking for a place to stay free

(You still did this to me)

Let me be the only thing I dream big dreams for
Let my heart grow strong against love
Where you could never last past the moment
That many men crushed me daily

(You were everything to me)

Ugh, let my hands gently lift my hair
Slowly pulling it back revealing my eye
Black and blue among other colors that leak through
But for some odd reason
I just can’t let go

(There’s never been happiness,
Nor real love in this “stupid life”)

Say, who are you that walk through my door?
And who are you that draw me close to you?

I am a young girl, clinging onto my hope
Torn in two by hands of endless hurt
Of beating, bruised, tormented, and confused
Of pampered to fix! Of pampered to a way of being sorry!
Of yelling from you! Of taking the pain!
Of an act of love seen ever so not real
Slapped back for being stupid because you too were there
Yet won’t admit that you did this to me
I am a young girl who lives in hell
Visual tears tell me nothing more than pain

Yet im the one to blame for this
In the lifeless world where I was still me
Who dreamt a dream so wrong, so long, so true
That even if it was right
In every light and window, in every corner of my room
That’s made me stronger than any man
Ugh, im a young girl who has walked alone
In search of a lovely life that was meant to be
For im the one who left to escape you
And your hands, and your ugly lies,
And tore myself free to stand where I can
To build a “better life”

Better life?

Who said it was better? Not you?
Surely not me? The millions of bruises?
The millions of times I was shot down?
The millions of lies that seeped out your lips?
For everything was a dream
And I believed the written words
And I believed the looks
And I believed that we would hang on
The millions of nothings that lingered
Except when it almost died

Ugh let me live again
The time was never meant to be—
And yet must be—so the joke was on me
The joke that you played in my mind—that you existed as everything—me
Who stood for you.
Whose tears and blood, whose love and pain
Whose heart broke at the blows, whose sorrow left in the rain
Must not have ever been enough

Sure, call me stupid—
The racing of my heart does not tire
From those who live like rats on my life
I must get back to being me
Only me!
Ugh, yeah
I say it slowly
Let me live again
And yet I swear I cant—
I will soon be!

Out of the walls and shields I build up
The hate and misery, and loneliness, and lies,
I, the young girl, must break free
The time, the heart, the fake smiles, the tears
The pain pilled on top of piles—
All, all the things ugly must go—
And let me live again