nightly rant

What do you do when the pain so great that you just want to die but you cant because you know that if you do you will be pretty much killing your mom, dad and a couple of kids who look up to you.  What do you do?  I cant find a job.  If I had money I would smoke some weed and I wouldn’t even think of suicide because when I’m high the reverse happens and I start thinking about survival.  But I have nothing.  I watch the damn Illuminati controlled TV all day.  Even McDonalds wont call me back for an interview.  I’m fucked.   Soon I may be homeless if my dads health gets worse.  Will I try to stick it out with my mom or will she move in with my sister who hates me.  She disrespects my mom so I know she wouldnt want to go there but she loves her grandkids so she might put up with it.  Then again maybe my dad might hold on for a few more years.  Its all too much.  I fucking hate life.  I just wish I had a nice girl to lay next to me and share with.  So many of us on here with the same fucking problems and all we can do is write them down and nothing changes.  Time to go lay on my couch close my eyes, pretend I’m in another life, hope I never wake up, knowing that I probably will and the same fucking nothingness of another day awaits.