I don’t want to die. But I think of endless ways to kill myself. I dont try to think of ways it just comes to me. It scares me and my body shakes and i have a panic attack so bad i can’t breath. My mother gets on to me for a lot of stuff. when she gets onto me if i say anything back at all, even that i didn’t mean to or something, I get introuble at for talking back, if i say nothing i get yelled at for pouting and having an attitude. i don’t know what she wants me to do. The best relationship I have with anyone is my older sister. And I dont even tell her everything. I just thought of sticking my finger into the slot where you place light bulbs with the power turned on. i endlessly think of cutting my wrist. Or drowning in the tub. Im scared. i don’t know what to do but let it happen and wait for it to be over. I want to live. I want to grow up and live happily. Im only 15. I need help and dont know how to tell my mother without her getting mad at me and asking me what she did wrong. Cause she didn”t do anything wrong. Im just really scared.
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When I was your age a lot of the same thing happened to me, it drove me and my sister into deep anger and my sis almost lost it. You’re tired of being treated the way do, and you have see no avenue of escaping it. I been there too, it just comes days when you get tired of being treated the way you do, and other people actions causes your mind goes into a defensive nature. However it usually begins criticizes your own self and tearing you apart. I know this is very hard to do, but sometimes the best thing to do is to kinda let go, just shake it off, I know its hard believe me I know. I use to put up a defensive wall blocking it before I didn’t care anymore. It’s hard to talk to the person especially your mother when she is the one doing it you, that’s why sometimes it’s good to vent your sadness and anger in other ways. Screaming in a pillow helps, listening to music like old school Eminem helps too, especially his song “The Way I am” and you rap the words too.
Don’t be afraid, it happens a lot, you’re not the only one.
Hi allthatcrysishuman,
It sounds like your mother is a terrible person and maybe even has schizophrenia given her behavior towards you. I would really suggest not to internalize anything she says or does to you.
You need to realize that you have done nothing wrong and don’t deserve to be abused by her. It’s important to stand up for yourself. Also you should consider moving away from her.
Perhaps you’re too young to have a job, but maybe you could like with another relative or friend who will treat you well-until you are older and can support yourself by getting a job.
It seems clear that you don’t want to end your life, but your awful living situation is driving you towards it. Your mother is somewhat of a bully, so you could also consider standing up to her and letting her know you don’t like being abused by her. There are many ways to deal with your situation, but you want to be careful and not end up on the streets (get kicked out). I wish you all the best.
*live (not like)
That’s what exactly I’m going though. I wanted to die for year. I always imaging how I would commit suicide, and how other people would react. But, being the coward I am, I never did. I just live thinking tomorrow would be better. It gets better. Life might get terrible, but it will get better.
My mom is also like that. I just try my best to tune her out. It’s better for both of us.