To be honest I don’t know why I put up an act and lie that I’m happy. I’m not. Maybe one day but I don’t know my future it’s not clear to me why my life is filled with so much hate regret and sorrow. I don’t know how to tell them that I’ve not been okay I hate to see the worry in my mom’s eyes and the guilt that my dad has. It’s just to much for them to take.. Sitting here in silence and not being able to talk or cry and hug my mom. I came to realize that they have there own problems. I’m 15 years old I should be happy and outgoing but life never seems to give us what we want. I have everything I need a family and the guy of my dreams that keeps me alive even though I feel like dying everyday. I have food and water and a house to stay at. Why am I not happy what do I need what does it take? No one has these answers but I’d give anything just to feel good again. It’s been to long. Almost 4 years. I just want to have peace of mind and to relax. It might just be this world was not meant for me and that it would be better if I was dead. I’m so close.