is not because I can’t cope with the physical or emotional pain. It’s not because I can’t solve my problems. It’s not even because I can’t find a reason to live.
The real reason I’m killing myself it because it’s easier to die.
Maybe that describes a lot of us. Just like it’s easier for a shipwrecked sailor to drown instead of swimming 5 miles to shore, just like it’s easier for a robbery victim to close his eyes and get shot instead of disarming the gunman, just like it’s easier for a failed businessman to jump out a window instead of earning back all the money he lost, it makes sense for me to kill myself because it’s easier.
Plan A, “living”, would require that I somehow forget the horrible things that have happened to me, would require that I change my name and move far away (which, itself, would require me to get a job and save thousands of dollars just to start), would require me to fight and beat this sickness I have, would require me to regain my faith in humans (which I wouldn’t know how to do, but I guess it’s technically possible) and would require me to re-build everything I ever lost (which, if I was as dedicated as before, would take 20 years of hard work).
Plan B, “dying”, would require a $15 bottle of vodka to work up the nerve, $2.75 to get into the subway station, and one half-hearted jump at the right moment.
Which do you think is easier?
6 comments
Robots always find the easier way out.
Your’e a human. And you should not think like that. Life is shit yes. But sometimes it can be absolutely amazing shit.
Plan B requires less work, that doesn’t make it any easier.
But plan a is to difficult to do anymore You would have to turn Everything in you life Around But it is possible with a lot of dedication And motivation Good luck
Battle of Marengo – I agree with you. It’s less work, not easier.
But there’s also the chance that it doesn’t kill you, which in turn makes life much harder. There’s many stories of people who have been terribly wounded during failed suicide attempts, many involving trains.
Another thing, that stopped me from jumping in front of a train, think of the people. I know you’ve lost faith in humanity, as have I, but that’s no reason to torture them this way. I’m referring to the driver of the train as well as the people standing by. They would all witness your death and be scarred for life. The driver would know that he drove the train that ended a life. The people around would think about how they could have stopped it. Etc.
Just food for thought.
This is how I felt a year ago. I had lost my faith in humanity, and i had lost the will to live.
I was going to take “the easy way out” but then i was slapped in the face, so to speak. A complete stranger restored my faith in humanity, She reminded me that we as a race, can rise up from even the worst scenarios. That we still have a life in each of our bodies that is worth protecting and keeping alive, no matter how dark or damaged it may be.
We all have a reason for being alive, and I believe that yours, just like mine, is to help others through this exact situation. But this can only be done if you choose plan A, and live.
Trust me, It is worth it, even if it doesn’t seem like that right now.
That’s really the only sad part… I think most people would gawk at the sight, even say cruel things (like the comments on any suicide video). But the few people who would see it as a tragedy would be very hurt. I guess that’s the law of human life: everyone can witness the same event, and good people will be hurt by it why bad people will be thrilled.
Anyway, I agree it may seem hard to jump in front of a train, but for me it’s an effort to hold myself back. That’s what the cheap vodka is for. All I have to do is weaken my inhibitions a little and it all falls into place. Friday could be the day. If my life keeps falling apart the way it has been, there will be no stopping it.