Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life so much love, but so much tragic.
Then I think of you
and what I have done,
I love I promise, my addiction just holds the gun; while I sit back like it’s puppet and try to escape,
it taunts me with games,
that aren’t so easy to play.
I cry in my dreams and even more when I’m awake,
I need to step back and thank you for sticking with me this way, your the only one left who stopped me from this drowning
I’m afraid now my heads above water, but only just bobbing.
I wrote this because it is what I go through and struggle with every single day. Â I wrote this to tell every single person out there that drugs will not only ruin and destroy you, but take away every sense of any integrity about who you once were away from you. I say that with the uttermost seriousness. You may think as I once did that though right now what you’re doing is fun and maybe its just every once in a while, and go ahead and try and convince yourself you will never venture and try anything else. But well the truth is, you’ve already allowed yourself to get this far by trying drugs period so what makes you think that you won’t try something else? Make the choice to not ruin you’re life, everyone will always say that could never happen to me, that will never be me. I was that person who graduated from an ivy league school, who had a career and life that I decided one day to throw it all away, and for what? One second of feeling good. That will never be worth the rest of you’re life.
I know exactly what our talking about, I myself am addicted to pain killers.. Not the way to live your life, how something can have that much control over you.. I hope you get the help you need, I hope the same for myself.. have a great day 🙂