To fly away

I try so hard to look and act normal, to not look weird but eveyone can see right through me. I am so transparent. I make everyone feel uncomfortable because I’m so strange. I can feel it. I’ve realized I’m not normal. I thought I was long ago, when I was a kid but certain things needed to be fixed but they weren’t and now I’m fucked. I don’t think I will ever have kids or get married. No child should have a parent like this. I don’t think I could be happy with anyone. I love my boyfriend but still hate my life. He’s the only one that’s keeps me going. If he wasn’t messed up too I would feel bad for putting him through all this. I think I will spend my whole life finding myself and trying to be happy. I will get out of this place one day. I will travel the world one day and see things and feel new things. It make me sad because what I want more than anything is to get away from this place, but I know I will never earn a lot of money so it is hard. I don’t want to reach the end of my life, not having seen the world. Where there is pretty there is ugly, where there is rich there is poor, where there is happy there is sad. There will always be unfortunate people, I am one of them. I want to give back to people. Make a real difference to a life, even if I can’t change my own.