why cant i breath

I cant breath I cry and I am facing a pillow I ralize I cant breath and I am holding my breath half of my mind is telling me its okay and my body is screaming WHAT ARE U DOING START BREATHINGSTOP BEING STUPID AND IS CUSSING I looked info on suicide and how people act I noticed I am like that ii cry and say how did I get here and I realize my mom is a drunk and druggie she dint even care enough when I was in her stomach to not do drugs not me or my lil sist. but my lil sister dint go with her she want straight to the hospital to my aunt I was with my mom and my older sister wich is 19 I have 4 sisters well when I was with my mom my sister that’s 19 lets call her BABBY MAMA well BABY MAMA used to touch me we were both lil me and her are like not that far apart I don’t know why its been haunting me I don’t think she rembers its just one more that’s gone wrong in my life my mom not caring giving me to CPS and DAD HIT IN RUN my lets call her FAKE MOM beating me she dosent now but now im a rebel oh get this non of my famliey members did anything
why cant I breath why does this hunt me why cant I just breath like everyone else why cant I
JUST SHUT UP AND ……….