I sit and wonder. Wonder why I was put here. Put here to cry and suffer. Why would someone put lost.., lonely.., souls here.. to suffer? I don’t understand why I’m here.. Why I’m still dreaming of a good day.. It’s been almost a year now and suicide still seems to be my best friend.. It’s not as close anymore but it’s still there.. and at times.. it moves in and hugs me. Makes me happy. Isn’t that sad? Suicide thoughts make me happy.., when nothing else in this pointless world does. Sad. I’ll keep dreaming of a way to escape. Leave. Disappear. As I’m typing this I wish I was already gone. Far away. And happy.. so happy. I haven’t cut myself but maybe that’s why I’m so down. I just need to be free. To be let go. I need to be happy and this world is not letting me. It’s holding me back. But my greatest fear is.. What if I’m not happy when I’m dead? What will I do then?
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8 comments
That was beautifully expressive. You touched my heart and I don’t feel so alone in this moment. Thank you for sharing.
What if I’m not happy when I’m dead?
Probably I won’t “be happy,” because I’ll be dead.
What will I do then?
I probably won’t “do” anything, because I’ll be dead.
Your greatest fear seems quite legitimate to me. Hold on to it.
The most profound thing to wonder about is this:
How did a sperm and an egg combine to result in my consciousness and awareness of individual existence?
Why am i “me?” Why isn’t someone else “me?” Why is my consciousness in this body, and not some other one?
How am i “myself?” How am i self-aware?
How will i perceive anything, without the body which enables perception, awareness, interaction, and sensory experience?
I’m certainly not happy here, don’t think i ever will be again, so if I’m not happy dead, oh well….
Yep that’s how it feels for me on occasion. Luck for me that suicidal feeling is starting to go away. At least for now.
Yep that’s how I feel on occasion. Luck for me that suicidal feeling is starting to go away. At least for now.
That’s how I feel all the time for Years now
Smh I want to die so bad ; that’s all I ever think about but then what if I end it all and I’m still not happy….. Maybe I’m already dead and this is my hell
I feel the same way. This is just a weird post to me, because. My name is darien. Darien gibb. I’v never, seen or even heard of someone wish the same name as me. spelt the same even. While reading this. I wondered if I blacked out and wrote this, but no. You did. Anyways.. I’v felt this before.