Why am I like this?I’m a 14 year old girl, at the end of my freshman year of high school. And all I can think about is killing myself. I don’t understand why I’m like this, am I crazy? It feels like everyone else is just strolling along happily while I’m stuck in a hole deep underground. I’ve felt like this for the past 3 years, I cut myself for a while and I’m trying to stop because I’m sick of being embarrassed of myself but the urges are returning. The feelings of desperation and loneliness take up most of my day. I can’t seem to get out of bed anymore, and when I’m out of bed I feel like I should be standing on the edge of a ledge or in front of a train like it’s what I deserve. I deserve to stop being a disappoint to my entire family, to stop being an annoyance to my few friends and to stop breathing all together. I have come to the realization that I am without a purpose, I will go nowhere in life and I’m beginning to accept that. It’s just that I don’t know how to deal with that acceptance. I want to die. But then again I want to be kissed before I die but no one will ever even like a girl with scars, they’re not a desirable item. It’s just that I’m slowly breaking apart day by day and I’m sick of keeping it bottled in. I’m sorry for wasting your time, nights are the worst for me.