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Am I crazy?

by mm9

Why am I like this?I’m a 14 year old girl, at the end of my freshman year of high school. And all I can think about is killing myself. I don’t understand why I’m like this, am I crazy? It feels like everyone else is just strolling along happily while I’m stuck in a hole deep underground. I’ve felt like this for the past 3 years, I cut myself for a while and I’m trying to stop because I’m sick of being embarrassed of myself but the urges are returning. The feelings of desperation and loneliness take up most of my day. I can’t seem to get out of bed anymore, and when I’m out of bed I feel like I should be standing on the edge of a ledge or in front of a train like it’s what I deserve. I deserve to stop being a disappoint to my entire family, to stop being an annoyance to my few friends and to stop breathing all together. I have come to the realization that I am without a purpose, I will go nowhere in life and I’m beginning to accept that. It’s just that I don’t know how to deal with that acceptance. I want to die. But then again I want to be kissed before I die but no one will ever even like a girl with scars, they’re not a desirable item. It’s just that I’m slowly breaking apart day by day and I’m sick of keeping it bottled in. I’m sorry for wasting your time, nights are the worst for me.

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orphanatom 6/3/2013 - 1:17 am

you shouldn’t be worrying if you’re “crazy” or not, which I personally believe we’re all pretty much insane on some level.

firstly, I’m sorry that you have to think similar to how I do. Always wishing to die and fed up of feeling these ways without any real help available. When I was around your age i thought it was just apart of the teenage bullshit that we eventually get over (i’m 18 meow), but soon realized it was far beyond my abilities and apart of an illness.

I suggest you talk to more people, which it’s good that you posted this already to let yourself be known some more instead of keeping it inside.

I think any true boy/guy out there wouldn’t care what you look like or what you don’t have to offer, they should be accepting of simply who you are.

the only reason I’m responding to this is because i could relate to some of your problem. If anything i’ve wasted your time and haven’t helped at all.

anyways. Do you play any kind of instrument or maybe you’re into some kind of art?

raincloudz 6/3/2013 - 7:24 am

it does suck to start thinking all these things when youre young but being young is a good thing. it means you still have time to be hopeful and experience new things that will eventually change your mind about things. i had depression issues when i was in high school (20 now) and i can tell you now that ive definitely changed for the better in these few short years. you have to stay hopeful. as for the cutting, i used to cut too. i still have the scars on my arms but i haven’t cut too much in these past years and theyve actually started to become so faint that i can barely even see them. i can only see them if i look for them and even then i only know theyre cuts because i made them. i used to wear long sleeves to hide them all the time but now i dont have too. youre still young and theres so much potential for you yet. just hang in there.

Painman 6/3/2013 - 1:06 pm

I’ve already written a reply to this but my bloody browser Crashed! lol .. Wanted to say my ex gf had a massive scar on her arm from attacking herself with a pair of scissors, It didnt bother me so I doubt it would cause someone not to want to be with you, not if they’re worth being with anyway. The not being able to get out of bed thing is sometimes depression along with depleted self confidence, have you ever tried any paul mckenna stuff? I recommend it alot on here because its the thing that pretty much dug me out of a grave. I always kinda wish I had the techniques he gives you available to me when I was younger as it would of helped me alot. Try the ‘positiveity’ one, you can usually download it for free off a torrent site, always worth a go as it can change your life if you stick with it. Hope that helps, good luck.

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