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by Agony

Everyone always says my mom is so nice but she is the most evil person I ever met.
And she doesn’t even hit me like my brother and father used to.

I’m at a part in my life now where I wish I had parents, where I wish they raised me.
Because I realize they didn’t and that made me become this nothing.
They never encouraged me to do anything, I didn’t even have to go to school. They only made me feel neglected, abandoned and lonely.
I wasn’t strong enough as a child to raise myself. I’m not strong enough now to do everything alone. I’m not strong enough to become strong.
All I need is a little love but I doubt if that exists.
Never did they give me love. They don’t even talk to me, I always tried to breath as soft as I could as a child because I was scared to make a sound. I tried not to move.
When I lied crying on the flpor because of them they just ignored me, stepped over me. I was only a small child.
They always made sure I knew they were better off without me.
My mother would tell me in one of her hate speeches.
She just gave me one again, she said she didn’t care about me anymore and that she will tell my brother not to bother too.
They never cared.. They are the ones that always brought me down and always will.
Because of them I’m stuck in this depression, all they ever did was push me further in.
They just tell me I’m childish and selfish, that it is time for me to change because I’m too old for this.
She will repeat selfish a million times very loud, saying I only care about myself.
But if she knew me a little than she would know I only care about others.
Apparently I’m just too hurt to make that shine through.
Or she is just blind, I know she is.
Hopefully someday she knows they are the one that push me of this cliff.

Even as a child I wasn’t happy to live. We’ll see how much longer I can survive.
I still wish I jumped under that train 6 years ago when I was 14. They already got me that far back than.
I still wish I did it.

In my mind I beg someone to be my parent. To do the simple things a parent should do. But it only happens in my mind.

8 comments
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8 comments

whisper 6/19/2013 - 4:36 am

Sad to hear this…remember your parents are screw ups…not you. They didn’t know how to love you, or how to raise kids…or how to act like decent people. None of those things are your fault. Learn to smile without them, and make others smile too. Don’t worry about “others” worry about yourself…not in a selfish way…just realize you come first. Make a life with the kind of love and smiles you wished you had in your family…with your own friends and a family of your own.

Be strong but not bitter and you will succeed!

I wish you all the best! 🙂

sageisdead 6/19/2013 - 4:41 am

I’d get the hell away from them and never talk to or see them again. Its funny how people think some people are nice good people but they’re really actually very bad evil people.

sageisdead 6/19/2013 - 4:46 am

I agree with this comment. I wanted to say the same thing.

Agony 6/19/2013 - 4:50 am

Thank you both, much.

Yes, living without them would be so nice. Away from them, never returning.
But like I said the problem is that I’m not strong enough, I can’t.
I need someone to help me, to hold my hand.

Agony 6/19/2013 - 4:53 am

@Wisper

They did have time for my brother, he’s the same as them.
They just spended all their time on him so there wasn’t anything left for me. He’s a ¶|$â„¢$$¢¢$â„¢$@@@®©+¥¢¦. Just very agressive

whisper 6/19/2013 - 5:01 am

I was in the same shape as a kid.. everything for my sister and nothing for me…but that just shows they weren’t very good at being parents. There is no manual and lots of parents suck at it. I just decided to get away from them as soon as I could and go make a happy relationship with lots of love. That didn’t work the first time, or the 33 time, but that didn’t stop me from trying or looking for something good. That’s the best we can do…. but at least we no longer live with parents who don’t know we exist.

Guess my attitude was that if I didn’t mean something to my parents then I would go find or create a relationship where I did matter to someone…just had to be patient and keeping looking for, or trying to build that. 🙂 half the fun is in trying….even when we don’t succeed.

sageisdead 6/19/2013 - 5:13 am

I thought you lived with them. Either way you’re better off cutting them off. Holding your own hand is better than theirs.

FTW0990 6/19/2013 - 7:27 am

God. I’d disown their asses. I don’t see why people have kids when they know they can’t be good parents . My mom was pretty evil too growing up. I wanted to fucking kill her so bad and she took advantage of me. Now I let everyone take advantage of me. I get along with both parents now, but when it comes time for my mom to need assistance, I am letting her our in the cold as pay back for my childhood. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold… like a bullet that is fired at an enemy that goes through a portal through time and space and hits my enemy in the stomach when he is least expecting it and gives a horrifying and slow death. My mom will pay for giving me this pathetic life and making me feel guilty about feeling upset about being a sheltered teenager in a poor family.

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