Everyone always says my mom is so nice but she is the most evil person I ever met.
And she doesn’t even hit me like my brother and father used to.
I’m at a part in my life now where I wish I had parents, where I wish they raised me.
Because I realize they didn’t and that made me become this nothing.
They never encouraged me to do anything, I didn’t even have to go to school. They only made me feel neglected, abandoned and lonely.
I wasn’t strong enough as a child to raise myself. I’m not strong enough now to do everything alone. I’m not strong enough to become strong.
All I need is a little love but I doubt if that exists.
Never did they give me love. They don’t even talk to me, I always tried to breath as soft as I could as a child because I was scared to make a sound. I tried not to move.
When I lied crying on the flpor because of them they just ignored me, stepped over me. I was only a small child.
They always made sure I knew they were better off without me.
My mother would tell me in one of her hate speeches.
She just gave me one again, she said she didn’t care about me anymore and that she will tell my brother not to bother too.
They never cared.. They are the ones that always brought me down and always will.
Because of them I’m stuck in this depression, all they ever did was push me further in.
They just tell me I’m childish and selfish, that it is time for me to change because I’m too old for this.
She will repeat selfish a million times very loud, saying I only care about myself.
But if she knew me a little than she would know I only care about others.
Apparently I’m just too hurt to make that shine through.
Or she is just blind, I know she is.
Hopefully someday she knows they are the one that push me of this cliff.
Even as a child I wasn’t happy to live. We’ll see how much longer I can survive.
I still wish I jumped under that train 6 years ago when I was 14. They already got me that far back than.
I still wish I did it.
In my mind I beg someone to be my parent. To do the simple things a parent should do. But it only happens in my mind.