So I’m seventeen, 17, just graduated from high school. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 4 or 5 years now. I attempted suicide in 2011 after I was hurt by someone who meant the world to me and I regretted everything. I’ve started up counseling since May 10 this year and have started medication but I still have depressed days and days that are hard to get through. I feel like nothing helps. What broke me is I had a nervous breakdown a few days before I started meds and going to counseling and nearly ended it. I have a box filled with pills I’ve stolen from my father who is heavily medicated and aspirin. It just gets more and more difficult as the days go on. Mom and Dad talk about how much things cost, how it gets harder and harder as the days pass and how much food is. I feel like death would be one final expense for me in which they could sell my car and a few of my other belongings to pay for my funeral then I wouldn’t be eating anymore. I’m obese. I weigh 314 pounds (I’ve lost 5 pounds since starting medicine, that’s progress but still) My relationship is kinda falling apart and I’m just paranoid altogether. The government will kill me because I speak truth. Truth is the new hate speech. I think they’ll kill me for saying my opinion. Or I’ll “mysteriously” pass away. I’m sick of this. Today it has been really hard too. Can anyone give me any advice or message me? I’ll reply later I promise.