Does that make sense?

All you get is a funeral? No, you also get to face the fear of the unknown, the terrifying thought of the likely nothingness, cessation of existence, and most splendid of all: the pain of death.

It’s all for naught, and meaningless. The only thing that matters is to do whatever you think you want, or should do, for whatever reason, while you’re alive to do so. I can’t imagine why anyone would be “afraid to live.” I’m only afraid to be alive without living, or to be dead without dying… or to die, without ever having truly lived. And yet, here i am. I have become the monsters i fought in my own abyss. There are no words.

The only reason i am still here, is because there are still some things i want to do.

Buddhism teaches the pursuit of detachment… the cessation of suffering, through the elimination of desire… but since even that detachment is unattainable for me, i find myself unable to shed the desire for that detachment, and thus, cannot be at peace. I will live in turmoil, mostly joyless, until my untimely, yet both welcome and unwelcome death. It will come eventually; why rush it? I guess i don’t have a good enough reason to press the button yet. Each day brings us closer to oblivion. Use your time, energy, and actions, wisely.

@smusmu-

No. The world is as it is, regardless of perceptual variance.

You used the “just think positive” fallacy, thereby voiding any credibility your comment may have contained.

“Read a book” – what book? Why? What if i’m not interested?
“Start a new hobby” – what hobby? Why? What if i’m not interested?
“Don’t over-think” – wait… what? Why? Are you suggesting that if i actually think about my life and this world, i will discover profoundly displeasing and ultimately discouraging, harsh truths?

As if it was “just because i see it this way” that the world is so goddamn ugly.

There is one veiled nugget of wisdom peeking through the words of your post, and that is this: you have to learn to ignore the dumb shit, and try to do whatever you want to do with your life. It’s not nearly as easy as “just thinking happy thoughts and be like peter pan” makes it sound.

But, the world is as it is, and there is actually an objective truth. Those who are able to ignore the bullshit and effectively lie to themselves, seem to have the highest degree of access to success.