going along

I have two sisters who have attempted suicide (by overdose) multiple times.  At the moment I am lacking much feeling, but am not particularly depressed or anxious.  There isn’t much that makes life worth living, but nothing to induce me to death.  It’s a big change for me.  I’ve been depressed and anxious for many years, but I always felt like I had a purpose in life, even if I didn’t know what it was.  Right now I don’t feel that way.  I know that if I wait long enough my mental state will change.  It always does.  But then it will change again after a bit.  So that sucks.  But it’s awful when you love someone who is suffering.  I know that.  I try not to hide when I’m in misery, but I know people don’t recognise it.  And those who do don’t comment.  I love all my siblings and never want them to feel about me how I have felt about their suffering.  But I know I should trust them.  It’s hard.  I am not stoic, but I try to package my problems as small fixable things, rather than big tangly threads.  And sometimes they seem that way.