I’ve been depressed for 3 years now and I just can’t do it anymore. I can see my life falling apart day by day and go to bed crying every night. Nobody cares about me and probably wouldn’t even notice if I left. I have no friends because whenever I make friends they leave me shortly after. I have never had a boyfriend and guys only use me for my body and take advantage of me. EVERYONE I know has used me over and over again. Every weekend I sit at home by myself and eat my emotions. All I want in my life is to be happy. I try to make everyone else happy because I just can’t be happy myself, I don’t even know what happy is anymore.
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Life is all about choices, who we allow in or out. Hurtful words or actions that we allow to stay with us in our minds or let them quickly pass. Lessons we learn from our actions and consequences or we don’t learn from them and repeat them. Choices are there and they start with you in your mind. Garbage in and garbage out is what happens when we don’t put a filter on our minds because there is so much garbage out there in this world. I believe in God and through this belief made a choice to follow his ways. But it was a choice grounded in suffering until one day I said to him, your way now. Choices and consequences. But you have a part to play in your story. You are the main character in your tale. But your past doesn’t have to be your future.
MiniWiconi7 makes some sense. I too had to give it all up to God. But something I have realized is that it doesn’t make everything better. Your suffering is real enough, whether it is mostly in your mind or not…………. it is still suffering.
Proverbs 18:14 talks about your spirit being able to sustain you through an illness, but a crushed spirit ………. is unbearable. When your spirit is crushed, there seems to be no remedy.
I do not know what the answer is for you ………… but I have similar pain. Sometimes I repeat the same actions just to be hurt time and again. It’s like emotional “cutting”.
My desire to die is so strong…. yet the only thing that keeps me going, is my responsibilities………… and trust me…….. they are barely keeping me here.
I am incredibly lonely in this world……… and many times that is exactly what allows me to hurt so incredibly bad. Just to have someone to stand by me and say …”I got your back”. That would help so much………. even though it would not solve my problems.
Sounds like you are incredibly lonely……….. :/