Hidden.

I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose emotion and feeling and drive for the things that once used to make my knees shake and my stomach drop with excitement. Then I catch myself looking for what it was to be happy and how that might’ve felt. Looking back on the times where my heart should’ve been really there, where my smile shouldn’t have just been an illusion of happiness but a complete presentation of it. But no it’s always been painted on and my heart no where to be found. Just Kept Quiet & Locked Inside.

… Hidden.