My boyfriend and I have had a relationship for 9 years. It has had it’s wonderful moments.. but it has had many bad ones too. I get so angry with him for his lack of care and concern. I’ve thrown him out recently and now I feel as though my entire world is gone. I have no desire to even want to wake up! EVER AGAIN! All i have ever wanted was his love. I’ve had people tell me he loves me. I’ve heard hims say it. But I have not felt it in such a very long time. I’m 48 years old, I’m over weight, I recently had all of my upper teeth removed and now have no upper teeth, I’m starting to wrinkle and the man I have devoted my life to the past 9 years pays no attention to me, doesn’t hold me, doesn’t hug me, doesn’t seem to care a bit about me at all. If I don’t work he tells me I don’t do anything and makes me feel guilty that I don’t work(even though I have a mother’s benefit for my daughter that pays the rent) IF I get a job he complains that I am messing up his schedule with my new job. I’m in a damned if I do and a damned if I don’t sort of spot with that! Sometimes we don’t have food and I have to go to the help center for groceries. I feel neglected, unloved, and uncared for. Tired of feeling this way = I asked him to leave. He said it was over and left just reassuring me of those uncared about feelings…
NOW – I just don’t want to exist any more. I am so hurt that he cares so little and without any real reason… he just stopped loving/caring for me. I hate it…. i’m too old to be single.. I don’t want to be single… I want HIM and not some new person to start all over with. My self esteem is so low I don’t even think it exists anymore… All I want to do is lay down, go to sleep,and NEVER wake up again!!!! I feel hopeless, worthless, un deserving, and just pain pain pain in my heart, in my soul, in my mind…. I want it all to go away!!!! I’ll never have his love or care and I don’t want to live without it. I’m scared to seek help because the “help” they give is NOT going to take the pain away!!! I’m angry, crushed, scared, and sooo very alone.
1 comment
That’s really difficult imhatedandlonely I hope it helps a little to write it down and let it out. Thanks for sharing a part of your story and welcome aboard.