I need to continue…

Hi again..
It’s little old me.
I figured I would continue my story seeing as it has been really weighing me down lately.
So, uhm, yea, here I go…again..
Things continued that way for awhile, but then things got a little worse…or a little better depending how you look at it..
My mother and that guy got into fights, a lot, and very bad fights..
When I close my eyes I the silence, I can still here the shouting, screaming and the faint sirens in the distance..
Anyways, they ended up taking some time a part from one another, that would be good right?
It would have if it would have lasted…
It didn’t last though, I was okay with that though…by now I was used to the way things were, but yet again things had to change.
My mother decided to move, and not just into the same house with this guy, but also about twelve hours away from my one and only friend…I have never been good at making friends..
It was hard to move, but what was even harder was the fear I felt. I knew what this guy was capable of and just the thought of it scared me and still does…I don’t think that fear will ever go away.
It’s not even the violence that scared me the most, it was the psychological things he did to me…he tore me down so much, I still have not bee able to build myself up and it’s been close to elven years…
I must admit though, things were not that bad at the beginning in a new place. It was a little weird and different but at home, things were actually a little peaceful…
I should have known that was too good to be true though…
Too soon, the fighting started up again and I can strictly remember all the hiding I did. Even at a young age. I hid the pain (the physical things like bruises and burns, along with the constant psychological scarring he kept giving me) It was hard to do at such a young age, but it’s now become second nature and it really isn’t that bad.
Anyways, we moved in and out of homes with that guy for a little under two years, until one time when we had no where to go. My mom could not afford to leave but was not happy where she was so she left. We stayed at one of her friends house for a few days, which is then when I moved to my fathers.
I am not one hundred percent sure where my mom ended up as I as not with her, but I would have rather be with her in a house with that guy again than go to my dads.
Why you ask?
I mean, I said it myself, my father’s first wife is the closest thing to a mother that I have ever experienced and tat fact is still true, but it is what is to come that makes me wish I never went to go live with them that time.
I was in grade three at this point and was eight turning nine. I was happy to be out of the situation with my mom, until one day. When again my fantasy was shattered and I was left with the harsh reality.
I came home early from school one day because I just got back from a field trip and my teacher said we could all go home. Now, my school was within walking distance so I just walked home, but I was not prepared for what I was going to find.
I walked into the house and again, those same strange noises, it was a little strange because I knew what these sounds meant and I thought the only person that would be home was my older brother so when I walked down the hall to go knock on his door but looked into my father’s room, I was shocked to see him having sex with someone who was moat definitely not his wife. Thankfully, unlike my mother he just sent me into the backyard so he could get dressed and send the girl home and then we talked. He tried to get me not to tell his wife, but I slipped and I did. I never meant to end the marriage, I just didn’t know what to do, I needed to talk to someone about it, so I did. It just happened to be the wrong person I guess…
I spent most of that day and night outside, crying as I listened to them fight. When the fighting stopped, my father took me for a drive and explained to me that we would be moving into our own house as him and his wife were getting a divorce. Now, I did not know what a divorce was, but I could tell it was a bad and sad thing. I will never forget the look on his ex-wife’s face…it was pure pain and regret. To this day she has been the only parental figure that has actually truly and genuinely cared for e and loved me.
Life with my father was hard, this is when I really started to get depressed. I stopped eating, stopped going to school, I just laid in bed all day and slept my life away. I hated my father at this time, he wrecked my only piece of happiness, and he hated me too, he blames me for wrecking his marriage and I don’t blame him…I blame me too…
This, this is when my father started getting violent, it got really bad…but all too soon he moved across the country to go be with another girl and sent me back to my mother’s house who, was back living with that guy too…
At this point, I had already given up, I was already done and just wanted a way out of this never ending cycle…

I would love to write more of my story tonight, but I had a really bad day and am having a hard enough time writing what have already said, so again, thank you for reading my words.