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Indescribable (a Survivors point of view)

by Kelcoholic

If think if anyone KNEW the impact their suicide would have on those left behind, I honestly don’t think they would do it. They not only leave us to mourn them, feeling the pain and sorrow because they’re gone, etc. They add so much more to all that. They force upon us guilt, remorse, hatred, confusion, shame,unknowing,alone…anything and everything one could ever feel is thrown at you all at once. What they inflict goes beyond any pain or suffering one feels when a person passes due to a cause that isn’t suicide. You never recover. You can’t. Even if it seems the grief is managed, its really not.  I KNOW if they really knew what happened after they chose to leave, they would change their mind. I have to believe this. Its one of the only ways I can deal with my loss. Its unthinkable to me that my loved one would intentionally leave me with such anguish.     (This was the first comment I left for someone here and thought I’d use it for my first post too)


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forsaken1 6/6/2013 - 4:34 pm

I know people care about me and love me buy sometimes love is not enough
I also know people are going to mourn my passing but I don’t care I’m still doing it anyway

AtTheEnd 6/6/2013 - 4:38 pm

Two sides to every coin they say. Commit suicide and end your suffering while hurting people who love or suffer for the rest of your life so that loved ones dont get hurt. Let me be “selfish” and end my suffering or let you be “selfish” and live in misery wishing i was dead. Decisions like suicide are not black and white.

AtTheEnd 6/6/2013 - 4:40 pm

I guess to me its u thinkable to me that someone that “loves” me would intentionally leave me alive with so much pain so that they don’t hurt and feel bad because they coulnt help me.

tupacorbiggie 6/6/2013 - 5:08 pm

I don’t care about how it affects my family. They won’t listen to me so why should I listen to them? I love them though but I need to die and end my pain.

SometimeSoon 6/6/2013 - 5:17 pm

“guilt, remorse, hatred, confusion, shame,unknowing,alone…” This is all part of the usual grief process. You’ll deal. The person who died from suicide could no longer deal. Totally different. Thanks for your attempt at firing guilt to a deceased person. Smooth. You really just do not understand.

Kelcoholic 6/7/2013 - 11:14 am

I never felt shame,confusion,remorse etc from losing someone to cancer. Not when I lost friends/family to horrific auto accidents. Not when my friend was killed, by his father either.Although, I was angry when my friend in Elementary school was raped and killed, but my anger was not toward her or myself. I was angry at the person that did that to her. I cant see guilt,remorse,or the shame being the usual process in the deaths listed here. I was saying those feelings came with a suicide death. If you think I fired blame on the dead person, you’re the one not understanding. He did it to himself. I didn’t do it so he would be to blame, right? But I am left to carry the blame because he, a grown man, thought he couldnt cope. BOO HOO. I actually feel I have to make up excuses why he he couldn’t deal. Weak man indeed. Sure I’ll deal with it. Thats what strong willed people do.I guess thats where the smooth comes in? If you cant cope, thats your issue. I didn’t post on this site for attention. I posted my feelings and am moving on. I dont need to linger here. There is more to life. If someone thinks death is life to them, then why arent they living it? (or so to speak)

Exit to Nowhere 6/6/2013 - 5:33 pm

This statement can only be applied to a person with a known set of circumstances that can be used to infer the individuals thought process, assuming that they have an ordinary family relationship.

We can’t generalise and fit everybody into the same category. We are unique and make a decision based on our experience and ability to cope.

I suspect that not all suicidal people are irrational at the time. There might come a point in a persons life when they are overwhelmed and feel they can’t live anymore. We cant read their minds, however its fair to say ational people don’t just suddenly decide to kill themselves for no apparent reason.

If a person is thinking about suicide it’s difficult to imagine that amongst all the considerations they overlooked the family they would leave behind.

coitus 6/6/2013 - 5:46 pm

If ‘O’ is the set of people ordinary family relationships,
And ‘K’ is the set of people with a known set of circumstances,
Each circumstance ‘C’ of which can be used to infer the individual’s thought process,
Then the statement ‘S’ is applicable across the range of elements
At the intersection of sets O and K.
Right. Got it. Thank you 🙂

RenoBill 6/6/2013 - 5:48 pm

The same people who would “miss” me and would be pained by my departure, are only available by appointment only right now, because they have such full, busy, lives, and tend to not give a crap about how I’m feeling most of the time. So, I either am selfish and off myself, nor not selfish, hang around and feel like I’m a royal pain in the butt to those individuals who I think of as “friends”.

coitus 6/6/2013 - 6:00 pm

This post weighs heavily upon my heart. There’s no way around it’s logic and it’s all crystal clear to me now: only suicide will rescue me from the shame and guilt of killing myself.

im-just-a-kid 6/6/2013 - 11:23 pm

@ AtTheEnd
you’re absolutely right and i was about to say the same thing when i read your comment
it’s a very debatable topic of which is more selfish – taking your life and leaving everyone else in misery or not letting someone in misery end their misery because you want them for yourself
of course being the suicidal one, i’m biased and forced to believe that it’s more selfish for people to hold me here

@ Kelcoholic
this is something you have to take into account – the feelings of the suicidal person. if someone ends their life then they were probably more miserable than you are after they’re gone.

driftz86 6/7/2013 - 8:51 am

If a dog is sick, in constant pain, and there’s nothing they can do, they euthanize the dog peacefully. They even euthanize dogs just because no one will give them a home and they don’t have the resources to put up with them.

Suicide is selfish, but sometimes you have to do for yourself. If you’ve tried to be positive, try to better yourself, try to find some light in your darkest days and nothing has changed, what else is there for you?

Ever since i woke up from the stupid dellusions i once called dreams, I saw that in reality i was busting my ass for something that was not for me to a point where anxiety and insomnia over took me psyhically, and also I was very alone, and it was all caused by decissions I’ve made. Because of this, I fell into this depression and 6 months later, nothing. I don’t cry anymore because I literally have no more tears to shed. I was recently disappointed and you know what, I barely cared because what else is new? I have family that loves me, I see a psychiatrist, I’ve been trying to keep busy, I’ve started going back to the gym, I’ve been set on taking driving courses. It still doesn’t help the fact that every morning, I wake up and I ask why am i still alive? I talk out my plans for the day when I’m alone like if anyone is listening and in he end, I ask what am i doing and why am I still alive? I’ve never been good at anything, school, relationships, chasing goals, sports, even being a good son or friend. So my question to myself is why am instill here? If I’m miserable and I’m fighting for a purpose to live which is not even seen, why continue? People will be hurt and think I’m a coward but then again, most didn’t really like me, I was always the outsider, what the fuck do I care what they think after I’m gone? All my problems have been solved and I’m in a better place now.

Like they say, sometimes you gotta do what’s right for you. This is what’s right for me. What is right for you? I don’t encourage people to suicide. We all are different. This is my peso al view from my expirence.

killswitchon 6/26/2013 - 3:29 pm

screw that man. you have no idea what’s going on in somebody’s head. You have no idea how much mental, emotional pain somebody could be in. If you felt the way I do in my head you’d wanna fucking die too. For him to actually follow through with suicide is actually strong. it takes balls to do that. Don’t blame yourself for his death but he felt horrible enough to end his life thats pretty intense dude.

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