I’m here today because I’m feeling extra depressed. Yesterday I actually counted my attempts and I realized I’m up to 7. What do you do when the only person in your life that ever made you happy doesn’t want to be with you? They tell you they love you and still care about you but are determined not to be with you. After all the promises we made about never letting something like this happen and she did it anyway. I can’t recall any dream I’ve ever had but now I dream every single night about her. Happy dreams where shes with me, then I wake up to realize none of it is true. I either have that or nightmares about her with someone else. I can’t describe to anyone how much she means to me really, especially when she was the only thing making me happy. It’s weird, besides attempts I’ve also survived things that should’ve probably killed me, it’s like being blessed with life to be cursed by losing the only thing in it I’d ever want. I don’t know if I could try another attempt at this point, but I pray something happens to me I guess.
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Love not recuperated in the way we want and need. Fracking hurts.
Not much more can be said, they move on and the damage is done.
Something that struck me in your story
“she was the only thing making me happy†it’s a blessing and a curse. Of course the person we love wants that love to make us happy, just as we want our love to make them happy… but when it’s the only thing… it’s a ***** of a load for anyone to carry and expect from another human.
And the world ‘make’. Do we make happy, or is it something that simply exists in a moment that we either tap into or not?
I’ve been on both ends. To have the power of happiness over someone,… knowing that a single simple word could create or destroy their world. It was too much and though I loved them, for both our good I had to move on. It was too much. And when the tables were turned, it hurt, still hurts but I know it was the right thing for her to do.
Wisdom traditions teach that we must find happiness within ourselves. Which makes sense now that I see it written… where else could the emotion of happiness or love be experienced from if not within?