My Last Rant

I have a story, just like everyone else. It’s complicated, just like everyone’s, but I’m still different. I won’t explain it all, I won’t tell you all the sappy shit that goes on, because what good will that do? I was always told that the past doesn’t define you, so you should grow up. Right now I don’t feel like growing up, not just yet. Right now I want to live in a moment where I am the person that I have always wanted to be and that my parents will actually be proud of me and not try to change me to their standards. Right now, I love my family and hate them all at the same time. I love my new little sister and my new little brother and my new little cousin and I love my friends and I love the people that made me the person I am, especially the shitty people that I have to say “Fuck you all” to. Yeah, I have a story, yeah I have a life, but the candle is soon diminishing. Soon, if I don’t become the person that my father wants me to be, my freedom will be taken from me and I will not be the same person as I was before. Soon I will become a zombie that does exactly whatever my father wants me to; a slave with no mind. Most likely I’ll have to put up my paint brushes and my writing pen and put my professional glasses on and become a person that I never wanted to be because I always wanted my life to be exciting. And, when my freedom is taken away, I will never be able to see my mother and my step-dad and my little brother anymore because I did not act the way my father wanted me to, because I gave him the kind of attitude that is not tolerated. And when I continue to fight back, I will not see my little sister or my friends, every freedom and thing in the world will be taken away from me on the account that I did not become the person my father wanted. I always thought that I had to please my step-mom and gain her favor while I lived in her house, but it was the other way; I had to gain my father’s favor, his love and affection, I had to change myself just to please him. So, this is me before anything is changed, this is me in this one moment where I love everyone and I am happy, and I’m glad that I can share it with all of you. You, the people who don’t know me, you who know my pain and understand my scars and my thoughts. I can’t live without my freedom, so if I cannot have it, why should I live at all? I will despise myself for giving up, like I would despise all of you who just gave up and didn’t swim to the island that was filled with all your hopes and dreams, but everyone gives up eventually. For me that time may come soon.