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round and round in circles

by londonbloke

pissed yet again..

this is my life..

this is where i’m at

stumbling from 1 day to the next..

only another bottle to look forward too

with each drink the confidence grows

with each drink the pain subsides

no more I say…no more

what a complete load of bollocks it all is..

is today the day that it all ends..

or just another day of the usual hollow threats

need to get on that train and turn words into actions..

need to find myself

me..the real me..

can’t be ready..

but I am..

yes

no

yes

no..

enough

give me the strength and let me end this….

 

 

 

 

 

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londonbloke 6/10/2013 - 11:19 pm

every day this just goes on and on and everyday the more pointless it all gets..
its all just nothingness..

Was again up all night, which is the normal nowdays..
At 8am ish I was watching people going off to work from out the kitchen window, I actually went to get another drink but got distracted on the way

Watching people standing at the bus stop or walking by to the tube station, a couple of them smiling, looking happy but most looking miserable and staring at the ground or at there mobile phones, guess just getting on with it and the new day..
Well it just got me thinking…

not long ago I used to be one of them..
Yep I too was a robot just like them..
Packed buses and tubes, all cramed in like bloody sardines..
Same old boring 9 to 5, or 8 to 4 routine..
almost everyone then that I knew hated there job…
But they carry on to support family and such..
I went through all that too, but for why?? and for what???..
I had no one to do it for..Yet I kept putting myself through all that each day..
It just don’t make any sense..

Nowdays i’m no different….I’m still that robot, its still the same thing without all that other stuff, except now i’m looking for the off switch..
And my world now ends at the window or the front door..

Its all a complete load of nothing…

Was also watching a group of pigeons fighting over some bread someone upstairs in the block had chucked out…
some pecking each other, jumping over each other to get the biggest bit..
Then I noticed one on the outside of the group..All on its own..
Half the size of most the others..skinny little thing..
Every time it tried to get anywhere near a bit of bread one of the others would have a go at it and scare it off…
Just watching this made me think you bastards…
I looked around for some bread in my kitchen cos that outcast was gonna eat more than the rest of them put together..
yep…I was gonna see to that..

guess what…
I aint got any bread, no biscuits nothing..
2 tins of peas and a jar of jam in all 4 of my cupboards..
Got a tub of marg in the fridge and apart from a half bottle of brandy and a few lagers that’s it..
bloody hell..
See I Can’t even do that one simple thing…

Strange as it may seem I keep thinking about that pigeon..
today when I woke up I went out and brought a loaf of bread along with my bottle..

I need a drink….

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