It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place where people understand you. Where they won’t attack you and ridicule you. Â A world where everyone supports each other.
I don’t know why I hurt so much, or why everything  feels empty. I don’t eat, don’t sleep, really. And I know I need to ask someone for help. But who?  I can’t ask my parents…they think I’m being melodramatic. They don’t see hoe bad I’ve gotten. And I don’t trust doctors. I wouldn’t let them near me.  Really… the only person I could trust enough to ask for help is the one who offers suicide as an out, if I’m so miserable. But I don’t *want* do die. I just want to make this pain end, and nothing I’ve tried has been working, no matter how hard I try… and it really makes me wonder…
Is Suicide the only way?
2 comments
I know how you feel. Although the reasons were different, the pain was as bitter as the one you’re living through now. Friends come and go, family stays forever. If there is no one by your side, you can always look up to your internet friends, internet support. Although they don’t know you in person, like me, I am still willing to help you. Passing a phase like that alone isn’t easy, and since I had to go through it alone, I can completely understand if others cannot see the good at the end of that pain. Everyone is different. So are you. But should you really be bullied because of that? Talk to someone. Express your feelings, your thoughts. You will feel relieved. You might feel better. It is really hard when you probably don’t feel neither comfort or safety anywhere. It’s hard, I know… But suicide is one of the hardest crimes you can do againt yourself. Don’t give up! If you need help, contact me. Tell me your story. I am willing to help. Don’t give up. Just don’t.
No matter who you are,
I care about you and your story.
You can always email me. My email is brl.cents@gmail.com
I can’t promise to understand you completely but I do promise I can listen.