It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place where people understand you. Where they won’t attack you and ridicule you. Â A world where everyone supports each other.
I don’t know why I hurt so much, or why everything Â feels empty. I don’t eat, don’t sleep, really. And I know I need to ask someone for help. But who? Â I can’t ask my parents…they think I’m being melodramatic. They don’t see hoe bad I’ve gotten. And I don’t trust doctors. I wouldn’t let them near me. Â Really… the only person I could trust enough to ask for help is the one who offers suicide as an out, if I’m so miserable. But I don’t *want* do die. I just want to make this pain end, and nothing I’ve tried has been working, no matter how hard I try… and it really makes me wonder…
Is Suicide the only way?