I haven’t been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder but i am sure that i have it because it is impossible to have so many shifts of moods. It just isn’t normal. I am such an emotional brat. I can’t stand things going wrong. I had such a good week and experienced wonderful things and met so many people on this festival and now i am back to reality and to my responsilities. I just became so sad in one moment and now i feel so helpless because i can’t remember anything good to keep me on the righ path.
I am so mad at myself because i act out and care about stupid small things which are not even important, i think about people from the past and everyone around me continues their life without a single thought of me. Â what the hell. i relly want to scream so badly and i can’t even cry loudly because i live with two other people.
and no one understands me, honestly i don’t want to talk to people around me because they are so judgemental and keep saying: well there are worst things in life and you can’t do that anymore it’s scary. well i wish i can stop, if only it was so easy. but here i can admitt that i can’t handle bad situations, that i can’t be calm and that i have to cry. i really can’t. my condition is getting worse every year i can see that now and i just don’t want to be a failure. i tried so hard to achieve something in life and it feels like it was all for nothing. i work so hard and some people just get away so easy and life is so nice towards them. i don’t want to wait anymore for things to happen i want something permanent in life.
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3 comments
well those small things are important to you.. so think about why they matter to you..
sometimes you will figure out something you didn’t know about yourself..
and you are totally right no one understands you.. and they can’t..
but that’s okay.. if you try to understand yourself and care for yourself
about not being able to scream and cry aloud.. I understand that 🙁
I live in an apt so I can’t do that either.. makes you feel so strangled! ugh..
we all need our own personal cliff away from the world to scream..
the failure thing.. well, it gets worse as you get older..
you have to relax and tell yourself: I can only do what I can do. One step at a time.. and so on.. really have to keep yourself in check..
or the ‘OMG everything is hitting me at once!’ feeling of craziness happens!
life can be so rough.. but some parts can be sweet..
and goals are good, you know?
failure is only when you totally quit.. but stopping something pointless isn’t failure
just have to decide if the goal is worth it or not 🙂
thank you 🙂 i need something like this. and someone who will actually read this.
i can relate with almost everything you are saying. the screaming part for sure. and the fact about how so many get away with murder and how life is so nice to them. oh and especially the part of trying so hard to make something of yourself and you feel like its for nothing. thats huge in my life right now. just that deep disappointment. i got no real encouragement for you except that i know you’ll pull through and that at the end of the day everything’s guna be ok.
those small things that you care about are probably very important to you and everyone looks back into our past sometimes to remember who was in our lives. its very normal. you can email me if you need someone to talk to.