Well, I’ve been depressed for 6 months now. I’ve been on this site for 3 months. My life fell apart during the first month of this year. I’m cutting my loses and trying to move on. I’ve actually made attempts to try to better myself as a person. I’m been going to psychiatrist for 3 months. I’ve decided on taking driving courses. I’ve also went back to the gym. Still, life bullshit keeps raining down on me and I’m finding out that I am my biggest hurdle. I look in the mirror and I see an enemy. I’ve messed up more times then I can count when it comes with school, relationships, etc. My doctor and family are trying all they can to help me but in order to be helped the person who needs it has to want help. I don’t. I don’t want to listen to the “Life is worth living” song anymore. I don’t want to here that it gets better because for the past 6 months since I’ve been in this situation. I’m actually too tired. I’ve taken more steps back than forward. The only person I fear is myself. I don’t want to be around anymore. It’s getting to a point where I fantasize about it. I don’t have any use. I’m basically a failure so I’ve come to terms that it would be more humane of myself to show the last sign of aggression to be very quick and painless. No one can say I didn’t try. In the end, I’ll know at my final moments that I did try my best. That’s all that matters.Â It’s only a matter of months now. I’m sorry but I was never meant for this world. I never asked to be born. It’s better than living a life of misery. Why am I posting, I just want to confess to people that I tried to make my situation better, maybe I’m not trying hard enough or maybe it was never meant to be. One thing for sure, I want to let you know that I did make attempts to. I want to run away.
These are the final battles I’m fighting and soon, the dust will settle and I will be at peace.