Hey guys, my name is Fabienne, I’m 17 and from New Zealand and I have been at war with myself since I was born. Literally. Mum said ‘you came into this world not really wanting to live’ so I guess life-long depression is my diagnosis. I’ve been bullied for having eczema since I was 5, being called names like “Scabby” and things like that, then was ostracized from age 6 through till age 14 at school. I moved schools in Spetember 2009 and started to get boys attention for the first time and ended up giving my body to them so I could feel ‘normal’ and not ‘scabby’ or ugly like the monster I believed I was. Still believe I am. I now get called ugly and scabby but also ‘slut’ and other similar names. I have been cutting for the past 6 months and use my eczema to rip my skin open. I love piercings and tattoos because they are forms of pain that make my body into a different kind of art, masterpiece, canvas, whatever you’d like to call it. I got help 2 weeks ago when I told the school nurse what’s going on, and my mum came to talk to her. Saw bunch of different nurses and doctors, including the Crisis team last Friday.
At the moment I’m on medication, but have relapsed twice in the past 3 months and don’t really know how I feel about it. I want help but then I don’t want people trying to offer solutions that take effort. I guess that’s part of the whole Depression and Anxiety picture. The only thing that has gotten me through is my need to change society for the better and knowing that if I go down, there’s a bunch of kids who would follow me into the ‘light’ and I don’t want that to happen. It is also my dream to give birth to a beautiful baby girl who I have dreamt about since I was 11. She is my motivation.
Well, that’s me, nice to meet you all.. I think..
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Hullo. I’m surprised no one commented. Glad you’re gettin help. The meds can take some time to work and to find the most effective. Scabby is a gross name D: why would anyone call someone that?!
I’m covered in a rash and have had full-body infections multiple infections throughout my life. The girls at my new school thought I had cancer and I get called Eczema girl behind my back. I feel disgusting because of what they say but I agree with them. Scabby is probably an accurate label for me, I’m the only one with them out of everyone I know. I’ve started getting off the medication and I don’t think that’s a good thing, especially since I’m becoming a heavy smoker. I’ll keep trying to get better but I relapsed again 3 days ago..
Hey there, Fabienne. (Cool name btw)
Well, it’s good to see someone else from New Zealand on here; yet it’s also not so good because of what you’re experiencing.
A cousin of mine had bad eczema growing up and of course it was a problem socially. However, after bathing in hot salty water multiple times it really helped and hasn’t been an issue for ages. I’m not saying this is a proven remedy, only that things like eczema and even depression, can be treated when YOU make the conscientious effort to do it.
Now, before you go helping to change society, you need to help yourself. A skin condition can be treated much easier than something like being at war with yourself. Take some time to breathe and look at where you are in life and more specifically where you want to be in the future. Don’t fret about the little things, focus on the big picture, motivate yourself to make the necessary changes.
Nice to see that you’d like to have a baby one day, that’s awesome! I’d said the same thing in one of my posts as well. That’s just something else for you to look forward to, having this baby girl you’ve dreamed about!
I suppose that’s all I can say for now. Stay safe anyway. =)